Mother’s To Be Day

Today Baby Turner has made it to 34 weeks. Each and every day is a blessing.  Although I thought I’d get off of bed rest this week, my doctor would like to keep me on for another week – so bed rest lives on.  It was a difficult transition at first because I went from being  in the hospital and having EVERYTHING done for me, to being at home and having just the opposite.  Luckily I have an AMAZING husband that has been there 100% of the way and has never complained.  I see how tired he is most nights, and a couple of times tried to help out.  But I was told to lay back down and bake a baby.

This morning, Mother’s Day, I woke up to the following post from Milton on my Facebook wall:

Michelle: I have watched you grow literally and figuratively over the past eight months. A little over a month ago, I got a call saying that you had been rushed to the hospital by ambulance because of pre-term labor. I rushed to the hospital not knowing whether our son would be OK at little over 2 lbs. You were told you couldn’t get out of bed for a month, but you used love, patience, and ingenuity to help our baby grow to more than twice his size. You beat the odds when even your doc didn’t think you could make it this long. All the while, you still ran three businesses from a hospital bed. I know it was hard and we shared a lot of tough times and contractions together, but you learned the great skill every great mom has: sacrifice. Mothers sacrifice everything they have for their kids and you are living, walking (ok, maybe waddling right now), talking proof that that nothing is more valuable. Thank you for giving our son a chance at a healthy life. Happy Mother’s Day, baby. I love you.

Of course it brought tears to my eyes. Milton helps me realize that being on bed rest is not just about being lazy all day, it’s about creating a safe haven for a developing baby.  Seven weeks ago my child try to make a special early appearance.  Seven weeks.  And for seven weeks I’ve helped slow down that process. Like Milton said, it’s the beginning of many sacrifices I’ll make.

Today was somewhat hard for me because I miss my mother.  Both of my parents are deceased and today brings up the realization that neither will be around to raise/spoil their grandchild.  My mother was one of the most amazing people you could meet.  I don’t say this just from personal experience, but everyone that met her said the same.  Even after her death, people were doing things to honor her.  Nobody can replace my mother, but luckily many of her friends have stepped in to do motherly things. Currently a group of them have started organizing a food delivery list so that Milton doesn’t have so much to do after working a 10 hour day (with a two hour commute). They have been a blessing.

What would have made my mother proud is that I reached out to them for help.  As an only child, one my my mother’s largest worries was that I didn’t reach out to people when I was in need and always tried to do everything by myself.  I’ve come to realize, though, that especially once I become a mother, I will need people’s support, love and advice more than ever.  Life is all about relationships.  Some are built over time and some are unexpected. My mother has an amazing legacy because of relationships she established with others.  I think I’m finally prepared to do the same.

60 Hours


ACU
60 Hours

I was like a kid running into a toy story.  I just couldn’t wait and was so excited!  I had to wait until 10:00 at night, but it was definitely worth it.  I pulled up, parked my car and waited at the bottom of the escalator.  And I waited some more, wondering if I’d missed him.

And then there he was!  First Lieutenant Milton Turner caught my eye, flashed me a smile and embraced me wearing his ACU uniform.  He hasn’t been home since July 3rd and was only going to be home for 60 hours. It felt great to have him in our house and to sleep next to him in our bed.  Although I won’t admit it to him, it even felt great to see his stinky socks on the floor.

We ate some of his favorite foods like Wick’s Pizza, Lonnie’s and Wild Eggs.  He cooked one of his amazing meals. The rest of the time we just enjoyed each other, caught up on some of his missed television shows and just enjoyed being loved by the other person.

Although his abs are more chiseled (thank to Army PT every morning), he still has the same personality and tells the same goofy jokes.  He still leaves the light on when he leaves a room and still rolls over every morning to give me a good morning kiss.  

That’s my husband and as much as I knew I missed him, I didn’t realize how bad it was until he was here.  I then realized it again once he was gone.  After dropping him off at the airport and returning home, I felt something was missing.  He was missing.  It was no longer the same.

Unfortunately he won’t be back for good until December (it was originally beginning of November).  Insert sad face.  But, luckily thanks to Christopher Columbus I get to see him again this weekend.  Insert a smile! If you love somebody, let him/her know.  If you’re not spending quality time with him/her, take advantage of the minutes on the clock while they’re still there.  None of us are perfect, but all of us deserve to be loved.  Remember, love comes in all shapes and sizes.  Don’t limit your definition of love to someone of the opposite (or same) sex.  Love can equally be experienced through family, friends, volunteering and following your passion.  God loves you and so do I – just don’t try to crawl up in my bed in the middle of the night and snuggle with me!

October 2011

Neva Gonna Get It

NaturalHeart  

 Neva Gonna Get It?

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the process of going natural.  An OnyxLouisville reader emailed the following:  “I have been told numerous times by my guy friends that the average Black man does not want a woman with natural hair…and that as long as I am natural, I will be single.”  I wondered if this was true so I did some investigative work.

I talked with some natural females.  One person said that a guy told her “if I wanted to see all that natural ish, I’d go to Africa”.  Another woman was in a longterm relationship with a man and as soon as she cut her hair, he completely left the situation.  Another person enjoyed her natural hair but ended up getting a relaxer because of the pressure from her boyfriend (and they are no longer together).

Some said they the haven’t had any trouble dating since they went natural.  I remember last year we did a “Singled Out” event.  I tabulated all of the matches.  One female had a lot of men interested in her.  I actually looked her up on Facebook to see who she was and she is someone that wears her hair natural in locks.  That was a true indicator that the words love + natural can go together.

The men that commented had one general view.  Many men said they like natural hairstyles that are nicely kept.  One guy said “Men are very visible and I’ve seen some natural hair on woman that looks a hot mess.”  So, it’s more about whether or not it’s natural – it’s more about how you keep it styled.

I also found that men seem to generally prefer long hair (either natural or relaxed).  Many women with natural hair found that as their hair grew longer they started receiving more compliments from men.  The great thing about the people in the discussion is that the majority of the women in the discussion are currently dating, engaged or married!! So love is definitely possible.  Kevin Wigginton summed it up best – “Brothers and Sisters please keep in mind Natural hair is just that Natural. Some of our Sisters have hair that’s Straight, Curly, Kinky, and Wavy. We have to remember not only do we have different shades of beauty but different grades of hair. All of which are Beautiful Naturally. Be proud my Sisters no matter what your hair texture is or the amount melanin that’s in your skin because all of you are beautiful.”

CLICK HERE to read the discussion and give your view

One Year Later

One Year Later

Feb 11-3This Valentine’s Day I will celebrate my one year anniversary with Milton.  It’s hard to believe all that we have been through over this past year and our wedding will be just around the corner.  We have grown not only as a couple but also as friends.

But, I almost didn’t give Milton a chance.  Milton and I met on Match.com.  Yes, online dating is alive, well and successful.  He sent me a “wink”.  I glanced at his profile, saw his age and didn’t pay must attention to the rest of his profile.  Milton is seven years younger than me and the last thing I wanted to do was play games or get free community service by hanging out with a young stud. He received no response.

About two weeks later I was looking through my emails and came across his profile.  I had time on my hands to waste, so I took some time and read his entire profile.  He sounded as if he had some potential so I “winked” back.  This started several emails between us and then a planned phone conversation.  What I thought would be a 30 minute conversation, ended up ending at 3:30 in the morning!  From there I knew he was someone I needed and wanted to meet.

That simple wink created a special bond, relationship and engagement.  And I almost passed up the opportunity.  I almost let a good thing get away simply because of vain standards I possessed.  Whether it’s a potential date, potential job or general opportunity – don’t turn your nose up just because it goes against your norm or preference.  Don’t be afraid to think and look outside the box.  They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same results.  Give ‘different’ a chance because it may be the change you need.

Love exists in many shapes and fashion.  To Milton – thank you for being my other half, strengths in times of need and #1 fan in times of joy. You make me a better person and I hope to be a great wife.  To OnyxLouisville readers – I love you for making Louisville a successful community that embraces ideas both big and small.  We are a valuable community and I thank you for letting me be a small part of it.

Just The Right Spot

Just the Right Spot

Oct10-4Our first date was on Valentine’s Day.  It started out just relaxing at my place with both of us dressed in sweats.  Once the evening came, we changed clothes to get ready for our night.  I threw on a cute dress and some makeup and walked down to the basement to see if he was ready.  Milton’s face lit up, our eyes locked and we shared our first kiss.  The rest of the evening consisted of dinner and a Frankie Beverly and Maze concert.  It was a Valentine’s Day that I will never forget.

Spring forward a couple of months.  Milton calls at 1:30 in the morning.  I am already asleep.  I call him once I wake up and asked what is wrong.  He says he needs to tell me something, but that he prefers to email it.  I get nervous and think about all the negative things that he could tell me.  As I opened the email, here is what I read, “I love you! I love you so much! I knew this since the first moment you stepped downstairs into your basement and we met eyes and kissed. I haven’t felt something so right before since I had shoes that fit. I have bottled my feelings up out of fear that I was moving too fast but now I’m going to let my heart take over for my fear.  I need you! I knew this since our first conversation and you made me feel not only wanted, appreciated, and loved, but you make me feel like a king that you want to shine. I told you from the beginning that I could not promise the world overnight, and it may be scary that we both don’t know how the next few months or years of our lives might play out, but I know that the world is a lot less scarier place with you in it. The Lord never promised that life would be easy, in fact he promised that the road to glory would be hard; however, he always promised to be by our side in good and bad.  I want to build a love with you that is unconditional and is strong no matter the weather”

And that was the beginning of our relationship.  Milton helped comfort me through my low points (like not becoming a professional fitness competitor) and I tried to be equally supportive in his life (like studying for the Bar).  I started working in the fitness industry and continue to build OnyxLouisville.  He passed the Bar, was sworn in as a lawyer and already has a job.  It seemed like regardless of what was happening in each of our lives, being there for each other was the overall constant that never disappeared.

Friday, October 22, 2010 was a regular day for me.  Milton drove to Louisville and we went to the Bill Bellamy show at the Improv.  We came back to my house and I took some of my clothes upstairs. As I walked back to the first floor, Milton was nowhere to be found.  I called his name and he asked me to come in the basement.  As I arrived on the bottom step, Milton stood in the same spot we had our first kiss.  As he got on one knee, he talked about the difference I have made in his life and the future he wants us to have together. He asked me to marry him – OF COURSE I said yes…….

M.Y. October 2010

Ex-Bling

Ex-Bling

June-10-3Our birthdays were 10 days apart so we celebrated together.  We exchanged presents.  I received a pink diamond necklace.  He said he bought it several years ago while in Australia and saved it for the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with – me!

That was June 2009.  We broke up just as 2010 started.  We stayed cordial with each other.  I waited to see if he would ask for the necklace back.  He never did.   Our birthdays come around again this year.  He sends me a “Happy BDay” text on mine.  Although I missed his actual day, I went on Facebook to post a “Happy Belated Bday” message on his wall. But my access was blocked.  I was listed as a friend, I just couldn’t post on his page like his other friends could.

So, I sent a FB email – “Just wanted to wish you a happy 40th birthday.  I was going to post it on your FB page but you’ve blocked me.”  His response – “Thanks.”  I wasn’t sure why he’d block me, especially since I left the relationship, but just felt that it would be best to just ‘unfriend’ him since for some reason he felt some conflict.  I didn’t send him an email or anything, just unchecked a button.

Next day I receive the following message – “Can you send me my chain back?  Especially since we know you are not “the one” and that is the circumstance which I gave it to under. Thanks for the de-friend as well.”

I found the message very interesting.  It’s been over six months and not once had he even thought once about the necklace.  Now this message comes out of nowhere.  So here’s my question to you – how would you respond?
1. Ignore his message and keep the necklace
2. Reply back, “I see turning 40 didn’t make you more mature”
3.  Just send it back
4. Tell him I gave it to my boyfriend’s mother
5. Pawn it and spend the money on a shopping spree
6. Tell him if he wants it, he’ll need to fly to Louisville and get it
7. Ask why all of sudden he wants it back
8. Other

Tell me both what you WOULD do and what you SHOULD do (not necessarily always the same answer).  Should you return all gifts after a breakup or is jewelry a special exception? Like with a previous scenario, I’ve already acted on the situation but am very curious how others would have handled it.

M.Y.  June 2010