Bling Blang Thang

Bling Blang Thang

June10-4Thanks for all of the great responses on what you would have done in the “ex-bling” situation.  I will admit that it definitely took me off guard since it just came randomly out of the blue.  I had various thoughts run through my head.  The first one was to completely ignore the message since I felt that if he truly wanted it back that he would call and ask me for it.   But, unfortunately, my patience wouldn’t let me go more than an hour without feeling as if I should respond.  Didn’t know how to respond, but I did know that I needed to respond.

I first had to think about the necklace and what value it had to me.  I haven’t worn the necklace all year.  I don’t even think about it.  It’s tucked away in the back of a drawer.  It was a very nice gesture on his part while we were together, but I really feel zero sentimental value to it.  However, it was appraised for several hundred dollars and several weeks ago I had considered pawning it so I could upgrade some other jewelry.   I also realized that the way he treated this situation was the way he reacted in other situations in our relationship, which is why I knew he wasn’t my end all be all.

Now, I will admit that, like everyone else, I am no angel.  If you catch me on a day that I have little carbs in my system, I take no responsibility for what I say.  Unfortunately, he caught me on one of those days.  I emailed him the following:   “Right after we broke up I met this amazing guy. I didn’t want to give him a chance because it was ‘too soon’. But I gave it a chance and found how true love should feel.  I found a relationship full of love and void of petty actions.  I don’t know what our future holds, but I enjoy each day he and I spend together. We are headed out of town and then I have a competition. Once I get settled again, I can search for the chain and mail it to you.”  And that was that.

The real ironic thing about the entire situation is that this year for my birthday I received a bracelet from my current boyfriend.  It was too big so he had to have some links removed.  The day he got the bracelet back, was the day I received the email from the “ex”.  Since I tell him any and everything, I shared the story with him.  We both laughed about it.  He assured me that his present was a permanent gift and there was no return policy whatsoever. The only thing I had to do was ‘handle with care’.  Sometimes you just need small reminders to value the treasure the sits in front of you.  Love is definitely more valuable than silver, gold or diamonds.

M.Y. June 2010



June-10-3Our birthdays were 10 days apart so we celebrated together.  We exchanged presents.  I received a pink diamond necklace.  He said he bought it several years ago while in Australia and saved it for the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with – me!

That was June 2009.  We broke up just as 2010 started.  We stayed cordial with each other.  I waited to see if he would ask for the necklace back.  He never did.   Our birthdays come around again this year.  He sends me a “Happy BDay” text on mine.  Although I missed his actual day, I went on Facebook to post a “Happy Belated Bday” message on his wall. But my access was blocked.  I was listed as a friend, I just couldn’t post on his page like his other friends could.

So, I sent a FB email – “Just wanted to wish you a happy 40th birthday.  I was going to post it on your FB page but you’ve blocked me.”  His response – “Thanks.”  I wasn’t sure why he’d block me, especially since I left the relationship, but just felt that it would be best to just ‘unfriend’ him since for some reason he felt some conflict.  I didn’t send him an email or anything, just unchecked a button.

Next day I receive the following message – “Can you send me my chain back?  Especially since we know you are not “the one” and that is the circumstance which I gave it to under. Thanks for the de-friend as well.”

I found the message very interesting.  It’s been over six months and not once had he even thought once about the necklace.  Now this message comes out of nowhere.  So here’s my question to you – how would you respond?
1. Ignore his message and keep the necklace
2. Reply back, “I see turning 40 didn’t make you more mature”
3.  Just send it back
4. Tell him I gave it to my boyfriend’s mother
5. Pawn it and spend the money on a shopping spree
6. Tell him if he wants it, he’ll need to fly to Louisville and get it
7. Ask why all of sudden he wants it back
8. Other

Tell me both what you WOULD do and what you SHOULD do (not necessarily always the same answer).  Should you return all gifts after a breakup or is jewelry a special exception? Like with a previous scenario, I’ve already acted on the situation but am very curious how others would have handled it.

M.Y.  June 2010

Facebook Update

Facebook Update

FEb10-4Relationships are hard enough.  What makes relationships even more difficult is the popularity of Facebook!  I remember when I first set up my FB profile – birthday, work location, favorite tv shows etc. Then they asked for status.  At that time I contently checked single.

Then last year I got in a relationship with someone.  I was ecstatic to meet someone that I was compatible with and happy to have a mate.  But, then that awkward conversation came.  No, it wasn’t who would move where.  It wasn’t how long to wait before meeting each other’s family.  It wasn’t even about pressing the toothpaste from the bottom or the middle.  It was about updating our FB status.  Should we?  Shouldn’t we?  Hmmmm….. We finally decided to change our status to “In a relationship” – big things were happening in FB-land.

The congrat messages were posted on my wall.  People wanted to know more information about the guy.  One friend even called and was upset that he had to find out I was in a relationship as opposed to me telling him first!

So, the year carried on and guy and I did some great things together.   Pics of our events were posted on my page.  He was tagged.  I was tagged.  Life was great.

And then we broke up.  When it happened I didn’t go and boast and brag about it to people.  He and I remained friends and continued to talk. But then I realized one thing – I had to change my Facebook status!  I didn’t want everyone to see “Michelle went from ‘in a relationship’ to ‘single’” on my page so I researched a ways to change it without making it public – and I did.

I thought all was good until a guy interested in me called recently and we had the following convo:
Him:  Is that your ex-boyfriend on your FB page?
Me:  Maybe, does he look like my bodyguard?
Him:  Definitely!
Me:  Yes, that’s him.
Him: There are a lot of pics of you and him on your page and it looks like you’re together.  You might want to look into that.
Me: Hmmmmm

So, I had to go through this mental dilemma. Removing the pics of him is removing many of my memories from last year.  However, I am no longer in a relationship and don’t want it to appear that way.  However, he could have untagged his name from the pics but did didn’t (will this offend him?)

In the end, I realized it wasn’t about the ex, it was about me.  I went online and hit the delete, delete, delete button. Who knew we’d have to breakup in so many ways?

Breaking up is hard enough.  What makes breaking up even more difficult is the popularity of Facebook!

M.Y. February 2010


The Ex-Factor

My ex-boyfriend and I had not seen each other since we broke up in January.  We had a rather nasty argument the weekend we broke up.  Although I’m the type of person that likes to try to make amends, talk things out and end on a good note, he felt it was better if we ceased all communication.  He pretty much said if we are in the same location don’t even bother to acknowledge his existence.  The lack of closure and communication did weigh on my mind for some time, but I came to the realization that I control my own happiness.

I was at a party last weekend and saw the ex’s car drive by.  I feel my body tense up.  ‘There’s my ex’s car.  I need to leave!’  I didn’t realize I said it out loud.  It had been nine months since I had seen this guy.  It had been rumored that he was dating this girl that I didn’t care for and I didn’t know what to expect.  I knew I looked good that night and also knew enough men in the party to make him jealous (if needed).

My heart started beating faster as I saw him walk in and talk to his fraternity brothers.  I watched him for awhile and still wasn’t sure if I we would communicate or if I would kick him in the shins and run.  I decided to take a chance.  I walked up behind him, put my hand on the small of his back and said ‘Hello!’ He turned around with a smile and from then on I knew everything would be fine.

Talking to him made me remember the reasons I value and care for him as a person (although we will never see things the same).  We didn’t discuss our past relationship, but I felt a great sense of closure.  Regardless of the arguments we had or the three grey hairs that he caused, I was glad that our paths intersected.  And now I can exhale!

M.Y.  September 2007

Ex Shape

“Ex Shape”
   My (ex) boyfriend and I broke up two months ago.  I originally thought that it was possible for everyone to be friends with each other.  However, I’ve learned that it takes two to tango in that friendship and sometimes it takes time to re-establish one.   Being single hasn’t been the most fun, but I have learned that everything does happen for a reason.  One thing I’ve started doing again is working out.  This photo is of me during my ”Louisville Wildfire” days in 2004 when I was a major gym rat.  My goal is to get back in that shape by summer.

M.Y.  March 2007