Meet Your Match

Meet Your Match

I noticed several different people posting on Facebook about a television show called Catfish.  I wasn’t sure what they were talking about, but caught it late one night on MTV.  The show morphed from a movie documentary of the same title.  In the movie, a guy meets a woman online. He falls in love with her.  After emails and phone conversations he eventually wants to meet her.  Once they do, he finds out the person is not the lady in the photo and it was all a lie.  The lady had her own share of issues, and while he had compassion for her, it was not a love connection made in heaven.

Each episode of the television show has a person that wants to have their initial face-to-face meeting with their online crush.  I’ve watched three of the episodes and in each episode the person ended up being a fraud.  Now, I know you’re thinking I’m going to next bash online dating as a way to begin a relationship.  Actually, I feel the very opposite.  Actually, I met my husband online on  He ‘winked’ at me.  I didn’t wink back.  I thought he was too young for me (seven years my junior) and I wasn’t interested in playing games.  It wasn’t until a couple of weeks later when I was bored online that I re-ran across his profile and said I had nothing to lose by replying.  One wedding and one baby later, the rest is history.

If you’re single, I encourage you to try online dating.  Why?  Because it’s actual a more indepth way to get to know someone. Think about it – if you’re in the club or grocery store and meet someone, you’re simply going off their looks.  You don’t really get to know too much about them but there’s usually an obligation to exchange numbers.  When you meet someone online, you’re able to read all about the person. You can email them as long as you want before you even exchange numbers.  You can google them before you have a first date. You can check out their FB page before your first kiss.  You determine the speed at which you move without any obligations for a date.

So, what was the difference between them (Catfish crew) and us (Milton and I)?   The real ones and the crazy/deranged?  Research. Here are my top ways to know the person on the other end might be fake:
He/she always calls you and won’t give you his/her phone number
He/she won’t give you a recent,updated photo
When you try to meet him/her, there is always an excuse
He/she has only a nickname, like “Thunda”
His/her profile photo is a model stock photo
He/she seems too good to be true

Once you find an online interest, google and Facebook him/her.  Both give a lot of information.  Don’t be gullible at the chance at love.  If he has six kids in every FB photo, don’t believe him when he says they are his nieces and nephews.  If she says she’s too busy because she’s always traveling, then why can she travel to see you?  If he says he loves you and wants to marry you AND you’ve never met…….. right!

Love can be the most wonderful thing in the world, but love can also lead us to the biggest heartache.  You have to open yourself up to love to experience it.  But, you don’t have to be a fool.  If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. There are plenty of men/women in the world that would love to make you their mate.  Take the time and effort to allow them to enter your life.  Love might be at your fingertips, just keystroke away!

Neva Gonna Get It


 Neva Gonna Get It?

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the process of going natural.  An OnyxLouisville reader emailed the following:  “I have been told numerous times by my guy friends that the average Black man does not want a woman with natural hair…and that as long as I am natural, I will be single.”  I wondered if this was true so I did some investigative work.

I talked with some natural females.  One person said that a guy told her “if I wanted to see all that natural ish, I’d go to Africa”.  Another woman was in a longterm relationship with a man and as soon as she cut her hair, he completely left the situation.  Another person enjoyed her natural hair but ended up getting a relaxer because of the pressure from her boyfriend (and they are no longer together).

Some said they the haven’t had any trouble dating since they went natural.  I remember last year we did a “Singled Out” event.  I tabulated all of the matches.  One female had a lot of men interested in her.  I actually looked her up on Facebook to see who she was and she is someone that wears her hair natural in locks.  That was a true indicator that the words love + natural can go together.

The men that commented had one general view.  Many men said they like natural hairstyles that are nicely kept.  One guy said “Men are very visible and I’ve seen some natural hair on woman that looks a hot mess.”  So, it’s more about whether or not it’s natural – it’s more about how you keep it styled.

I also found that men seem to generally prefer long hair (either natural or relaxed).  Many women with natural hair found that as their hair grew longer they started receiving more compliments from men.  The great thing about the people in the discussion is that the majority of the women in the discussion are currently dating, engaged or married!! So love is definitely possible.  Kevin Wigginton summed it up best – “Brothers and Sisters please keep in mind Natural hair is just that Natural. Some of our Sisters have hair that’s Straight, Curly, Kinky, and Wavy. We have to remember not only do we have different shades of beauty but different grades of hair. All of which are Beautiful Naturally. Be proud my Sisters no matter what your hair texture is or the amount melanin that’s in your skin because all of you are beautiful.”

CLICK HERE to read the discussion and give your view

One Year Later

One Year Later

Feb 11-3This Valentine’s Day I will celebrate my one year anniversary with Milton.  It’s hard to believe all that we have been through over this past year and our wedding will be just around the corner.  We have grown not only as a couple but also as friends.

But, I almost didn’t give Milton a chance.  Milton and I met on  Yes, online dating is alive, well and successful.  He sent me a “wink”.  I glanced at his profile, saw his age and didn’t pay must attention to the rest of his profile.  Milton is seven years younger than me and the last thing I wanted to do was play games or get free community service by hanging out with a young stud. He received no response.

About two weeks later I was looking through my emails and came across his profile.  I had time on my hands to waste, so I took some time and read his entire profile.  He sounded as if he had some potential so I “winked” back.  This started several emails between us and then a planned phone conversation.  What I thought would be a 30 minute conversation, ended up ending at 3:30 in the morning!  From there I knew he was someone I needed and wanted to meet.

That simple wink created a special bond, relationship and engagement.  And I almost passed up the opportunity.  I almost let a good thing get away simply because of vain standards I possessed.  Whether it’s a potential date, potential job or general opportunity – don’t turn your nose up just because it goes against your norm or preference.  Don’t be afraid to think and look outside the box.  They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same results.  Give ‘different’ a chance because it may be the change you need.

Love exists in many shapes and fashion.  To Milton – thank you for being my other half, strengths in times of need and #1 fan in times of joy. You make me a better person and I hope to be a great wife.  To OnyxLouisville readers – I love you for making Louisville a successful community that embraces ideas both big and small.  We are a valuable community and I thank you for letting me be a small part of it.

Good Man/Bitter Woman

Good Man?  Bitter Women?

Jan 11-3Someone’s Facebook post –  ”Is it too much to ask for a educated, goal driven black man that takes care of his responsibilities, and is honest and not a cheater….but at the same time is not a lame, can protect me if something pops off, could hurt me but wouldn’t dare dream of laying a finger on me, and can put me in my place when I start talking sideways? Does this person exist?”  Ug!  Whatever!

There are plenty of qualified single black men.   Many are here in Louisville.  They have great personalities, know how to treat a woman and are looking to settle down. But here’s the issue – for every 1 black man, there are probably at least 7 black eligible women.   So, instead of women yapping about the lack of black men, maybe they need to spend their time stepping up their game so that they can attract one of those eligible (and fine) black men.   If all you do is complain about life and love, why would anyone want to give you a chance?  A black man doesn’t owe you anything.

We need to quit blaming the opposite sex and assuming something is wrong with him.  Some women need to look in the mirror and figure out why they haven’t been asked out on a date in years.  Women, give the nice guy a chance.  If you’re truly looking to settle down, you’ll find that his genuine, caring characteristics can go a long way. Men, let down your guard and man up!  Women want to feel appreciated.  Quit holding up the walls in clubs and strike up a meaningful conversation.  Isn’t it also interesting that men look so much more attractive once they are in a relationship? You weren’t interested in him when he tried to be your friend, so quit sweating him now that he’s found someone that appreciates him.

We spend so much time complaining about the opposite sex that we often let someone with great potential walk right past us.  Beyonce and Denzel are not going to enter your life, so quit waiting for them.   Give someone a chance that you normally wouldn’t. Think about the vibe that you put off and try not to bring past baggage to a new situation.  We all want and deserve to be loved.  Black love is in the air – but you have to clear your personal space  before it can enter in.

Facebook Update

Facebook Update

FEb10-4Relationships are hard enough.  What makes relationships even more difficult is the popularity of Facebook!  I remember when I first set up my FB profile – birthday, work location, favorite tv shows etc. Then they asked for status.  At that time I contently checked single.

Then last year I got in a relationship with someone.  I was ecstatic to meet someone that I was compatible with and happy to have a mate.  But, then that awkward conversation came.  No, it wasn’t who would move where.  It wasn’t how long to wait before meeting each other’s family.  It wasn’t even about pressing the toothpaste from the bottom or the middle.  It was about updating our FB status.  Should we?  Shouldn’t we?  Hmmmm….. We finally decided to change our status to “In a relationship” – big things were happening in FB-land.

The congrat messages were posted on my wall.  People wanted to know more information about the guy.  One friend even called and was upset that he had to find out I was in a relationship as opposed to me telling him first!

So, the year carried on and guy and I did some great things together.   Pics of our events were posted on my page.  He was tagged.  I was tagged.  Life was great.

And then we broke up.  When it happened I didn’t go and boast and brag about it to people.  He and I remained friends and continued to talk. But then I realized one thing – I had to change my Facebook status!  I didn’t want everyone to see “Michelle went from ‘in a relationship’ to ‘single’” on my page so I researched a ways to change it without making it public – and I did.

I thought all was good until a guy interested in me called recently and we had the following convo:
Him:  Is that your ex-boyfriend on your FB page?
Me:  Maybe, does he look like my bodyguard?
Him:  Definitely!
Me:  Yes, that’s him.
Him: There are a lot of pics of you and him on your page and it looks like you’re together.  You might want to look into that.
Me: Hmmmmm

So, I had to go through this mental dilemma. Removing the pics of him is removing many of my memories from last year.  However, I am no longer in a relationship and don’t want it to appear that way.  However, he could have untagged his name from the pics but did didn’t (will this offend him?)

In the end, I realized it wasn’t about the ex, it was about me.  I went online and hit the delete, delete, delete button. Who knew we’d have to breakup in so many ways?

Breaking up is hard enough.  What makes breaking up even more difficult is the popularity of Facebook!

M.Y. February 2010

Age No Limit

(For Facebook this week you’re supposed to post the pic of a celebrity people say you favor – mine is AJ Johnson from “House Party”, “Inkwell” and “Baby Boy”)
Age No Limit Part II

Feb10-1Research shows that January is the most popular month for divorce.  One of the main reasons is because the holidays are over and people want to start the year with a fresh start.  I have been both dumped and the dumper in the month of January, so although not divorce- I was/am part of the “new beginnings” club.  (I guess it saves some money in February since you don’t  have to splurge on Valentine’s Day gifts that either get eaten (candy) or die (flowers) within 72 hours.

A couple of weeks ago I talked about the dating scene in Louisville and how different it is to date in various age groups.   Being 33 years old, I can attract men in their 20s (it makes me feel like a cougar! LOL) and also men in their 40s (I make them feel like they still got it!).  But as you know- there’s always a story to tell!

Last year my neck was completely locked.  I could move every other body part except my neck.  It wouldn’t turn side to side and all I could do was look forward.  My physical therapist worked wonders, but I still needed a neck brace to help with the recovery.  So, I drove to the Gould’s Medical store in St. Matthews.  The people in there were buying motorized wheelchairs, butt cushions etc..  But in a corner was this sharp, attractive Black male.  As I looked at the brace section, I felt his shadow approach me.  He was in town because his mother was moved out of a nursing home and he was going to care for her at her house.  (Very commendable).

Long story, short – information was exchanged.  Phone calls were had.  A “date” was set up to meet for lunch.  We met at Cunningham’s downtown.  He was funny, but a little too flashy for me.  His phone rings and one of his ‘boys from high school’ is in the area and is going to swing through.  Sure, whatever.  The friend comes in and sits at our table, supposedly they are still the best of friends.  As the two of them are talking, I realize that this guy looks really familiar to me.  I just can’t put my finger on it.
Where do I know this man from?
Ah – and then it clicks.  I stop their conversation and say, “Aren’t you (name of one of my friends) father?”  His eyes grow a little wider.  It reminded me of the Snickers commercial “Awkward!”

Moral of that story – there’s nothing wrong with dating someone older than you, just make sure your friends won’t eventually be calling you mama or daddy!

M.Y.  February 2010