Good Man/Bitter Woman

Good Man?  Bitter Women?

Jan 11-3Someone’s Facebook post –  ”Is it too much to ask for a educated, goal driven black man that takes care of his responsibilities, and is honest and not a cheater….but at the same time is not a lame, can protect me if something pops off, could hurt me but wouldn’t dare dream of laying a finger on me, and can put me in my place when I start talking sideways? Does this person exist?”  Ug!  Whatever!

There are plenty of qualified single black men.   Many are here in Louisville.  They have great personalities, know how to treat a woman and are looking to settle down. But here’s the issue – for every 1 black man, there are probably at least 7 black eligible women.   So, instead of women yapping about the lack of black men, maybe they need to spend their time stepping up their game so that they can attract one of those eligible (and fine) black men.   If all you do is complain about life and love, why would anyone want to give you a chance?  A black man doesn’t owe you anything.

We need to quit blaming the opposite sex and assuming something is wrong with him.  Some women need to look in the mirror and figure out why they haven’t been asked out on a date in years.  Women, give the nice guy a chance.  If you’re truly looking to settle down, you’ll find that his genuine, caring characteristics can go a long way. Men, let down your guard and man up!  Women want to feel appreciated.  Quit holding up the walls in clubs and strike up a meaningful conversation.  Isn’t it also interesting that men look so much more attractive once they are in a relationship? You weren’t interested in him when he tried to be your friend, so quit sweating him now that he’s found someone that appreciates him.

We spend so much time complaining about the opposite sex that we often let someone with great potential walk right past us.  Beyonce and Denzel are not going to enter your life, so quit waiting for them.   Give someone a chance that you normally wouldn’t. Think about the vibe that you put off and try not to bring past baggage to a new situation.  We all want and deserve to be loved.  Black love is in the air – but you have to clear your personal space  before it can enter in.

Cracker Banana

Cracker banana

Sept10-3Banana – I was sitting in the back of a meeting, minding my own business, and enjoying the great dinner they provided from Sincerely Yours.  I’m a lover of chocolate dessert, but the only thing they provided was banana pudding.  I don’t like fresh bananas although banana flavoring can sometimes add a kick to foods.  So, after eating the nicely seasoned chicken and vegetables, I decided to get a small bowl of banana pudding.

The meeting carried on and I decided to take a bite of my dessert.  I had a decent size scoop, placed it into my mouth and was prepared to continue listening.  But, AS SOON AS the pudding touched my taste buds I had an instant memory of my mother.  It was this sudden flashback of the banana pudding my mother used to make when I was a child.  I had completely forgotten that she ever made it, but the second I tasted this pudding – all the memories came flooding back!  You better believe that I went and got another larger portion of the pudding and even took some home to eat later!

Cracker  – It was a typical outing last Friday.  My boyfriend and I were in Seymour, IN and decided to eat dinner at Cracker Barrel.  I’d already had Cracker Barrel twice that week for lunch with some colleagues, but there aren’t many options in Seymour.  We browsed over the menu.  He ordered the grilled catfish and I decided on some pancakes.  We laughed and chatted as we waited for the food to arrive.  Once it did, we grabbed each other’s hands and he said a blessing for our food, families and our relationship.

We continued on eating and laughing.  Then a man walked up to us.  He put his hand on my boyfriend’s back and said, “My family and I saw that you prayed before you ate your food and we think that’s a wonderful thing.  May God bless you both!”  I was taken aback to be complimented on something we take for granted as a regular practice of our day.  However,  it also felt good to be noticed for something positive.  So often we take time to gossip and waste our energy on the negative images and actions of others.  When’s the last time you complimented someone on something you appreciate about them?!

M.Y. September 2010

True Love vs Time

“True love vs time- your input needed”

Girl meets boy.  Boy meets girl.  Girl likes boy.  Boy likes girl.  Boy tells girl, “Although I care a lot about you, I am not in a place where I can be in a relationship with you. I’m 34, lost my job and I’ve had to move back home with my parents. Please be patient with me.”  Girl runs and tells her best female friends what he says.  Girl’s friends say, “If he really likes you, he’d want to be with you regardless of his situation.”  Girl disagrees and feels they don’t understand.  What do you think?

Your input is needed.  Do you think someone (in this instance a man) can really meet his possible future mate, but not dedicate himself fully because he is not in a place where he is stable and/or feels he can provide all the things he’d like to in a relationship? Or, do you believe that love is love and regardless of what is going on in your life, that when you meet someone that may have potential – you give it a shot?  Or maybe you have a completely different opinion.  Let me know your thoughts.

And let me define a relationship before you email your opinion.  I’m not talking about a booty call on the first of every month or a random trip to the movies when you get bored.  I’m talking about a genuine, committed relationship.  Can you truly date someone whom you have strong feelings, yet be hesitant to fully commit in a relationship until you feel more secure about yourself?  Are relationships about timing or just about true love?  Bonus question: If a man does say he’s not ready to commit, should the female stay around?  Enlighten me people!!

M.Y.  December 2007