Thanks for all of the wonderful input to my recent situation (see below to read them all). As mentioned last week, I had already acted on my decision, but was just curious to others’ perspectives.
So – here’s what happened. “New guy” and I went out to eat and came back to my house afterwards. As I pull in the driveway, there is a limo sitting in my driveway. I do a double take (because I know I went to prom over 15 years ago) and out steps “guy” in a tuxedo. My mouth drops. As my mouth drops, “guy” drops to one knee and “new guy” says “Oh he!! no!”…… (April Fools Day! The day falls on a Thursday once every 7 years – I had to do it! LOL!)
So here’s what really happened. The day I received the last set of flowers, I really had to reflect on all that was happening. Here I had a genuine friend that now feels he cares the absolute world for me. It was hard, because for 4 days he’d just be my friend and say he understood my situation, then out of the blue he’d pop out some emotion. (it was like Groundhog’s Day every week). On the other hand, with “new guy” I met an amazing man that brings a smile to my face whenever I see him. I saw “guy” twice this year and felt no strong connection. I realized that “guy” came from a family and amazing lifestyle that people would dream about. “New guy” had none of those things, but what he could offer was a heart of gold. So, when I erased all the material things and just looked at the man – I knew exactly what I needed to do.
That night I emailed “guy” the following: “I find myself in a difficult situation. I really appreciate your friendship and thought that with my new situation that we could remain friends. But with every day that we are friends, there also comes the situations of you expressing your thoughts for me. I understand that you care about me. I knew that the first time you mentioned it. I fully understand that you think that you and I should be together and that you are the best person for me. But, I am dating someone and only want to see where my situation with him can lead. I want to be married and start a family. It would be an amazing thing. I know that if I want to be in a successful relationship, I have to be able to dedicate myself fully to someone regardless of possible distractions. So I ask that you ‘halt’ the conversations/actions about ‘us’. I truly appreciate your friendship, but I can’t continue to be your friend on these terms.”
“Guy” emailed back “I understand and will respect your wishes. You deserve nothing but the best and I’m sure your goals will be achieved.” and that was that. He stopped calling and although he has sent an occasional friendly text or email, he has given me my space.
“New guy” knew about the entire situation from the very first day it started. He always said he knew he couldn’t offer me the things that “guy” had, but he never felt that “guy” was any type of competition because he understood the connection we had. Since omitting the distraction, my relationship with “new guy” has grown. It’s amazing how much more can happen in life when we eliminate distractions (no matter how large or small they are). So often, we look for the person with the qualities that look good ‘on paper’. In the process we skip over many gems that can offer special qualities from ‘within’. Life is all about taking a chance. You never know the outcome, but usually learn a lot about yourself in the process. I also learned that although I would love to control the timing of everything that happens in my life, sometimes I just need to let God do his thing and embrace all the blessings put in front of me.
M.Y. April 2010