I Now Understand


 I Now Understand

I used to be in an all women’s investment club. We called ourselves S.T.A.F.F. (Sisters Together Achieving Financial Freedom). Our group met monthly for over 10 years and we saw various members get married, move away and start a family.  I left the group at the beginning of the year in 2011.  And one thing I was known for with the group was always being on time.  If the meeting started at 7:00pm, you can believe I was there by 7:00pm.  Often times I would be the only person there for 10-15 minutes.  The running joke was that if I left my house at the start time for the meeting, I’d get there around the same time as everyone else.

It wasn’t until yesterday that I understood what was going on.  Yesterday Maximus, at the ripe age of five weeks old, was asked to film a newborn video that would be shown in hospitals to new mothers.  He was going to be paid a savings bond and filming started at noon.

To me that seemed like plenty of time to get things done, but little did I know that being on baby/youth time is different than single/independent woman time.  It first started with a baby that did not want to be put down.  Morning time is usually snuggle time and this day was no different.  Usually that’s fine, but not when you’re praying that at least one dress fits over my now wider hips and it’s more difficult to do when lil man is in your arms.  Then comes getting Maximus dressed. Usually that’s pretty simple, but now I must time it so that he doesn’t puke or poo on his clothes since he’ll be filmed.

Which leads to breast feeding. I tried to time it just right so that eating would be the last thing we did before leaving the house.  All seemed to go well and I thought I would still be on time – until I realized I couldn’t find the black dress I had picked out to wear.  It’s a simple black dress, it couldn’t be in too many places.  I looked high and low and couldn’t find it.  Maximus wasn’t much help.  I found a less pleasant dress to throw on. As I was getting ready to walk downstairs, I remembered I’d put the dress in the dryer to get out the wrinkles – and there it was.

We were finally on our way.  While I would love to say I was 10-15 minutes late, we were actually still on time.  BUT, I can now completely relate to my friends being late places and having a million things to do before one simple task can be complete.

It feels great to now be a part of this not so secret parent society where most people speak the same language. I’m not the president or the founder.  I’m just a rookie member starting to learn the ropes. Go team!

Hair Vent

“Hair Vent”

Feb08-5It is currently 7:40pm and I am sitting under a hair dryer. I have been at the hair salon since 4:00pm today. The longer I sit here, the longer I begin to ponder the question: “How long should you really spend getting your hair done?” I thought about all of the other things I do in life and the amount of time it takes to complete them. Working out – 90 minutes. I’m talking about a full body workout which includes cardio. Eating out- I can go to a restaurant and (even with a wait) be in and out in less than two hours. Church – I get a sermon, songs, and a prayer in 2 hours or less. (If I go to my Episcopal Church, they also throw in communion each Sunday and we’re out in about an hour) Get R Done! A trip to the doctor for my annual physical – now docs aren’t always on schedule, but once you get back in a room most of the attention is focused on you. I’ll give it 90 minutes max. Still, nothing mentioned is close to four hours!

So, is it me? Is my hair that messed up? The last time I looked in the mirror I didn’t think I had the nappiest ‘do around. I mean, I don’t have a lot of Indian in my family, but my hair does have potential. I don’t get color, finger waves or micro braids. Why? Why? Why? My hair isn’t even thick so you can’t blame it on the dryer.  I will give some time to the fact that I got a relaxer. However, the other women I work with get their hair done during the workday. Most go to the salon downstairs. It is so amazing. They go downstairs at 10:00am and by 10:30am they are back upstairs looking fabulous. I didn’t know 30 minutes and hair could be used in the same sentence!

Well, I looked at the color of my skin and compared it to my co-workers. I realized I was much darker than them. Is this a racist thing? Is there a conspiracy going around to keep black women in one area for an extended amount of time? Did black men plan this is order to have extended peace and quiet at home?  I just don’t know the answer.  I asked some of my friends their thoughts.  Some said they think black beauty salons take so long because folks are gossiping and you go in knowing you’ll be there all day.  Some said it’s the speed of the stylist.  Others think it’s the price you pay for your service and that if you’re willing to pay more, your wait will be less.  I still had no clear answer so I asked my stylist her thoughts.  She said that part of the reason it takes us longer is that our hair texture is different than our counterparts so most styles require us to sit under the dryer.  She also said our counterparts can also take lengthy times getting a new do if they get color or some other process and usually when they are in/out quickly it’s because of a quick hair cut or style. What she said made sense, but I don’t know. I mean, I love my hair when I leave the salon and my stylist keeps it in great condition.  But is there a solution to the length of time.  Enlighten me, please!!!

M.Y. February 2008

True Love vs Time

“True love vs time- your input needed”

Girl meets boy.  Boy meets girl.  Girl likes boy.  Boy likes girl.  Boy tells girl, “Although I care a lot about you, I am not in a place where I can be in a relationship with you. I’m 34, lost my job and I’ve had to move back home with my parents. Please be patient with me.”  Girl runs and tells her best female friends what he says.  Girl’s friends say, “If he really likes you, he’d want to be with you regardless of his situation.”  Girl disagrees and feels they don’t understand.  What do you think?

Your input is needed.  Do you think someone (in this instance a man) can really meet his possible future mate, but not dedicate himself fully because he is not in a place where he is stable and/or feels he can provide all the things he’d like to in a relationship? Or, do you believe that love is love and regardless of what is going on in your life, that when you meet someone that may have potential – you give it a shot?  Or maybe you have a completely different opinion.  Let me know your thoughts.

And let me define a relationship before you email your opinion.  I’m not talking about a booty call on the first of every month or a random trip to the movies when you get bored.  I’m talking about a genuine, committed relationship.  Can you truly date someone whom you have strong feelings, yet be hesitant to fully commit in a relationship until you feel more secure about yourself?  Are relationships about timing or just about true love?  Bonus question: If a man does say he’s not ready to commit, should the female stay around?  Enlighten me people!!

M.Y.  December 2007