Happy Father’s Day Unhappy

 

The Saturday before Father’s Day, Milton and I were with Maximus at My Gym, a play gym for toddlers.   In the middle of class, I leaned over to Milton and whispered, “I feel nauseated.” In the world of a fertile woman, that general means two things: either I have food poisoning or I’m pregnant.  Milton wanted me to wait until Father’s Day to pee on a stick, but as the day went by, I kept having to urinate and was tired.  Later that evening, me, the toilet and a stick became one as I took a pregnancy test.  Instantly a “+” appeared, which meant we were preggo-tastic.

Milton was excited! I was excited! Maximus was looking at us like “what is wrong with you people?” I’d only had two menstrual cycles since I was breast feeding so Milton’s aim was once again on point.  On Facebook, Milton claimed Sunday to be “The Best Father’s Day Ever!” 

I called my doctor that following Monday and they wanted to wait until the six weeks mark before I was seen.  That was about a week later.  I went in and all the office people were excited, especially since they’d been there the entire time with Maximus’ birth. I was talking with Debbie, the sonographer, about Fort Knox as she was doing the exam.  I noticed I didn’t see the sac like I had with Maximus.  She called my doctor in and to doc said she didn’t think I was as far along as I thought.  They suggested to do some blood work and see me again in two weeks.

I went and had some blood drawn and was called the next day with results: HCG level 800, progesterone level 10.  Decent, but not great numbers.  I came back the next day for more blood work with the goal the 800 level would double.  I was called the next day to say the level instead had decreased.  That meant I was going to have a miscarriage.

You never want to hear those words.  You never want to call your husband and tell him those words.  At first I just sat there. I found amazing strength to get through the situation from a wonderful group of moms on Facebook.  I reached out to my special group of international mamas and let them know my tragic news.  Little did I know that many of them had been through similar experiences and now they have the most precious babies I have ever seen.  I told them it was one of those clubs I never wanted to be a member of, but I was glad such amazing people were in it with me.

Some people have symptoms first of a miscarriage. For me, I was told it would happen first. Then, came the stressful days of waiting for it to happen. It took about four days to start.  When you see the blood leaving for your body for the first time is when you know it is really happening.  I was fortunate not to have a painful or long process.  I was also blessed to have an adorable 13 month old son by my side that showed me what life is all about.  

I went back and forth as to whether or not I was going to write about this.  But I knew the strength I had to get through this came from the strength others had to share their stories and be there for me with full support. I pray that if anyone else goes through something similar, that they know they aren’t alone and its not their fault.  I also pray they know there can be life after death.  Milton and I will continue to help Maximus give a sister or brother.  Please keep us in your prayers. 

You Just Know

 

 You Just Know  

 I went in for my six week post-pregnancy checkup with my OB-GYN.  It was the typical checkup like I would receive at my yearly exam (don’t worry, I won’t go into those details).  Everything went fine.

She talked about how she and her husband went to Vegas to watch a Cirque Show and once of the dancers looked as if she could be pregnant.  She said they talked about it and her husband said he didn’t think the female was pregnant because all the weight was in her belly and that’s not possible.  My doctor said she thought about me and said that it was possible because that’s where all of my weight was.  I was flattered to hear her say that (but also know she must not have gotten a good look at me while preggo because my hips s.p.r.e.a.d!)

Anyway, she asked if I was interested in having another baby. Say what?!  I just popped out baby number one.  Can’t baby #1 have his first tooth appear before we have this conversation? Honestly, though, I did understand her reason for asking and told her I didn’t know.  She talked about how this one was a high risk pregnancy and the course of action she’s take if Milton and I became pregnant again.

She then looked at me seriously and said “The thing that really scared me about you is that your condition would not have shown up on any tests.  It’s a good thing you know your body.  YOU saved your baby!” 
I saved my baby.  What powerful words those are.  Especially when she says it and both of us look down at sweet Maximus.  I saved my baby.  Yes, those months of bed rest were worth it, but more importantly – I listened to my body.  I think about how often we listen to any and everyone around and often question ourselves.  Whether its relationship or career advice, we let our single friends steer us wrong and our jobless friends prevent us from taking a job that might not seem ideal. Why do we feel everyone else knows what is better for us?  And why do we depend so often on the wrong people to reach out to?

Maybe it’s time to listen to yourself and follow your own lead.  Will you always make the right decision? Of course not.  Will everyone always agree? Heck no.  But at least take the time to listen to yourself as you take time to listen to others.  I listened to my body and saved my child’s life so listen to your body and follow your heart. You might just save your own life.

Creatively Telling Our Family the News! (12 weeks/6 days)

The day is finally here!  We’ve waited two months to tell the world our joyful news!  Our closest family and friends came over for what they thought was a Graduation/Holiday Open House party at our house.  Milton was able to wear his Dress Blue uniform and everyone thought he looked dapper.  It was great to see everyone sitting around and talking together.  New friends quickly became old friends.

The party was from 2-4pm but we told everyone that we had a special graduation presentation at 3:00pm.  As 3:00pm rolled around, Milton’s close friend Rob was still driving from out-of-town.  We tried to wait for him, but as 3:20 arrived, I became antsy and we decided to go on and spread the news. We (well I) wanted to do something creative so I wrapped a box (that we referred to as his graduation present) and he pulled out a black t-shirt.  Everyone could only see the front of it, but didn’t know there was writing on the back.  Milton looked excited and said “Oh, you got me a shirt to match yours.  Show them your shirt!”

You could hear people start to get curious as I revealed my “Baby Turner” t-shirt and everyone was so excited.  Then Milton turned his shirt around and revealed his “Baby Turner’s Daddy” shirt!  LOVE IT!

Although we recorded it happening, I realized after watching the video that I never looked at everyone’s expression.  The entire time I was watching Milton and smiling.  Hooray to finally let the news out and celebrating with everyone.  Although I was completely exhausted once everyone left (and the headache returned), I will never forget how awesome of a day today was and how blessed we are to have such amazing and diverse friends and family!

“THE” Phone Call (12 weeks/2 days)

The time was getting nearer.  My husband and I decided to wait until the end of the first trimester to tell anyone, not even his parents.  Our OB-GYN suggested we wait 13, instead of 12, weeks.  The NT Test was at the end of 12 weeks and we were told it would take 7-10 days before we received results.  I just prayed that the results came before our gathering the following weekend.

Well, THAT phone call came on a Tuesday morning, early on a Tuesday morning. You always get nervous when you see the doctor’s number pop up on your phone.  As I answered the phone, the call was short, sweet and to the point.  “All first trimester results are within normal range.”

Awesome. End of call.  Let the Happy Dance begin!!

Headache Be Gone! (11 weeks/6 days)

If it’s not one thing it’s another.  I get it.  This time the pain shot straight to my head – literally!  Headache, intense headache and then an aching neck.  Yikes!  I had to refer to the pregnancy book my OB-GYN gave me to see what medications I could take.  And for the first time in my pregnancy, I had to pop a Tylenol.  I know I’m living on the edge by taking one, lol, but that let’s you know how bad the headache really was!

It’s been great to have my husband back in town and we’re finally newlyweds living as newlyweds and husband/wife.  I look forward to coming home to him after work and talking about our day.  I love when he kisses my belly our talks to our baby!

December 2011

1st Trimester Belly Shots

Lil ole me shouldn’t be this bloated just yet, but lil ole me is holding water, digestive juices and some of everything else.  I know this isn’t the official “pregnancy belly” but it’s making people pretty suspicious.  Once we tell people and I can just let it hang out I’ll be okay, but it’s this in-between stage that’s driving me crazy!