Happy Father’s Day Unhappy


The Saturday before Father’s Day, Milton and I were with Maximus at My Gym, a play gym for toddlers.   In the middle of class, I leaned over to Milton and whispered, “I feel nauseated.” In the world of a fertile woman, that general means two things: either I have food poisoning or I’m pregnant.  Milton wanted me to wait until Father’s Day to pee on a stick, but as the day went by, I kept having to urinate and was tired.  Later that evening, me, the toilet and a stick became one as I took a pregnancy test.  Instantly a “+” appeared, which meant we were preggo-tastic.

Milton was excited! I was excited! Maximus was looking at us like “what is wrong with you people?” I’d only had two menstrual cycles since I was breast feeding so Milton’s aim was once again on point.  On Facebook, Milton claimed Sunday to be “The Best Father’s Day Ever!” 

I called my doctor that following Monday and they wanted to wait until the six weeks mark before I was seen.  That was about a week later.  I went in and all the office people were excited, especially since they’d been there the entire time with Maximus’ birth. I was talking with Debbie, the sonographer, about Fort Knox as she was doing the exam.  I noticed I didn’t see the sac like I had with Maximus.  She called my doctor in and to doc said she didn’t think I was as far along as I thought.  They suggested to do some blood work and see me again in two weeks.

I went and had some blood drawn and was called the next day with results: HCG level 800, progesterone level 10.  Decent, but not great numbers.  I came back the next day for more blood work with the goal the 800 level would double.  I was called the next day to say the level instead had decreased.  That meant I was going to have a miscarriage.

You never want to hear those words.  You never want to call your husband and tell him those words.  At first I just sat there. I found amazing strength to get through the situation from a wonderful group of moms on Facebook.  I reached out to my special group of international mamas and let them know my tragic news.  Little did I know that many of them had been through similar experiences and now they have the most precious babies I have ever seen.  I told them it was one of those clubs I never wanted to be a member of, but I was glad such amazing people were in it with me.

Some people have symptoms first of a miscarriage. For me, I was told it would happen first. Then, came the stressful days of waiting for it to happen. It took about four days to start.  When you see the blood leaving for your body for the first time is when you know it is really happening.  I was fortunate not to have a painful or long process.  I was also blessed to have an adorable 13 month old son by my side that showed me what life is all about.  

I went back and forth as to whether or not I was going to write about this.  But I knew the strength I had to get through this came from the strength others had to share their stories and be there for me with full support. I pray that if anyone else goes through something similar, that they know they aren’t alone and its not their fault.  I also pray they know there can be life after death.  Milton and I will continue to help Maximus give a sister or brother.  Please keep us in your prayers. 

Christmas Peace

Christmas Peace

Dec09-5I arrived at the SDF airport bright and early on Christmas Eve.  My 9:10am Continental flight was right on time.  It was luckily a straight shot from Louisville to Houston!

Like usual, it was a small plane.  One seat on one side, two seats on the other.  My seat was 7A.  Right across from me were two cute little girls that giggled in their seat. They directed their attention up to their mother who was sitting at the very front in row 1A.  I thought for a second if I wanted to have the Christmas spirit and let the mother have my seat.  But, I hate the front row since I would have no access to my carryon. I thought about it as the plane finished loading.

One seat in front of me (6A) a woman talked to her husband in 5A.  He was rather tall and was hoping to possibly sit in the front seat for more room.  As I heard their conversation, I leaned forward and divulged my plan… “Excuse me, I overheard you all talking.  I was going to switch places with the lady upfront so that she could sit next to her kids.  However, I really don’t want that front seat.  How about if I take your seat (5A), you can take her seat (1A) and she can have my seat next to her kids?”  He thought this was a perfect idea – Merry Christmas – so I walked up to the front of the plane.

I approached the mother and said, “Excuse me Ms., I wanted to see if you wanted to switch me places.”  She said, “What’s wrong?  Are they misbehaving?”  I said, “No, I was sitting across from them and was offering to let you sit closer to them.”  This mother wasted no time with her response “OH NO! I’m perfectly fine up here!”  And that was the end of the conversation.

I walked back to 7A and the girls told me they were 8 year old twins.  They said they usually get along. I let them know that they better get along for our flight.  They giggled some more.  They then pointed to the back of the plane and said “and our dad is sitting back there!”

I guess we all need different types of Christmas peace.  It was probably a major blessing for both the mother and the father to have 2 1/2 hours of peace and quiet to themselves.  Not all gifts cost hundreds of dollars or even have to be wrapped.  Sometimes it’s just a simple gesture that makes the world of a difference!

M.Y.  December 2009

Have You Hugged Your Child Today?

“Have You Hugged Your Child Today?”

July08-5Woman #1: You’re 26 years old and enjoying the joys of being a new mother.  You’ve also had a successful second year of teaching middle school and know that in less than a week you’ll celebrate your first Mother’s Day.  Then the principal comes to your classroom to tell you that something has happened to your baby at daycare and he is on the way by ambulance to the hospital.  And, in less than an hour, you’ve lost your joy.

Woman #2: You take pride in seeing your three grown children becoming wonderful adults.  You now have several grandchildren and couldn’t be more proud.  Although some of your kids have moved away, you still talk to them all regularly.  It’s a typical Sunday, until you received the call.  You middle child, age 32, was killed in a motorcycle accident in California.  His wife and four kids are at a loss.  So are you.
Woman #3:  Your kids are your heart.  It’s very rare that people see you without your 2 year old son and 4 year old daughter.  You want them to get more involved in activities.  Your daughter decides to play t-ball.  Her two year old brother loves to go to the games and watch.  As she takes a practice swing, he runs up behind her.  The bat accidently hits him in the chest and he never recovers.  This isn’t the way life was supposed to happen.
Unfortunately, these are all real Louisville mothers who have buried their children this year.  It’s hard when you watch these situations on the news, but when you see firsthand the people affected by these tragedies, it takes a major toll.  Each of these women personally affected my life and I know they are not the only ones with these experiences.  Even though I do not have children of my own, it makes me hope that we will all take time to appreciate our children.  So many people assume their children will watch them grow old (and hopefully not put them in a nursing home!).  However, we are unfortunately seeing that some of our children will not live to see that day.  Whether you have a strong, non-existent, or typical relationship with your children, take some time today to let them know how much you care and how proud you are of them.   Children, whether 9 months or 79 years old, can never hear that enough.  You’re never too young or old to hear someone say “I LOVE YOU!”

M.Y.  July 2008