Happy Father’s Day Unhappy


The Saturday before Father’s Day, Milton and I were with Maximus at My Gym, a play gym for toddlers.   In the middle of class, I leaned over to Milton and whispered, “I feel nauseated.” In the world of a fertile woman, that general means two things: either I have food poisoning or I’m pregnant.  Milton wanted me to wait until Father’s Day to pee on a stick, but as the day went by, I kept having to urinate and was tired.  Later that evening, me, the toilet and a stick became one as I took a pregnancy test.  Instantly a “+” appeared, which meant we were preggo-tastic.

Milton was excited! I was excited! Maximus was looking at us like “what is wrong with you people?” I’d only had two menstrual cycles since I was breast feeding so Milton’s aim was once again on point.  On Facebook, Milton claimed Sunday to be “The Best Father’s Day Ever!” 

I called my doctor that following Monday and they wanted to wait until the six weeks mark before I was seen.  That was about a week later.  I went in and all the office people were excited, especially since they’d been there the entire time with Maximus’ birth. I was talking with Debbie, the sonographer, about Fort Knox as she was doing the exam.  I noticed I didn’t see the sac like I had with Maximus.  She called my doctor in and to doc said she didn’t think I was as far along as I thought.  They suggested to do some blood work and see me again in two weeks.

I went and had some blood drawn and was called the next day with results: HCG level 800, progesterone level 10.  Decent, but not great numbers.  I came back the next day for more blood work with the goal the 800 level would double.  I was called the next day to say the level instead had decreased.  That meant I was going to have a miscarriage.

You never want to hear those words.  You never want to call your husband and tell him those words.  At first I just sat there. I found amazing strength to get through the situation from a wonderful group of moms on Facebook.  I reached out to my special group of international mamas and let them know my tragic news.  Little did I know that many of them had been through similar experiences and now they have the most precious babies I have ever seen.  I told them it was one of those clubs I never wanted to be a member of, but I was glad such amazing people were in it with me.

Some people have symptoms first of a miscarriage. For me, I was told it would happen first. Then, came the stressful days of waiting for it to happen. It took about four days to start.  When you see the blood leaving for your body for the first time is when you know it is really happening.  I was fortunate not to have a painful or long process.  I was also blessed to have an adorable 13 month old son by my side that showed me what life is all about.  

I went back and forth as to whether or not I was going to write about this.  But I knew the strength I had to get through this came from the strength others had to share their stories and be there for me with full support. I pray that if anyone else goes through something similar, that they know they aren’t alone and its not their fault.  I also pray they know there can be life after death.  Milton and I will continue to help Maximus give a sister or brother.  Please keep us in your prayers. 

A Father’s Touch

A Father’s Touch (my father is 3rd from the front in this picture)

June09-3HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to all of the wonderful fathers in the world!  So often we concentrate on the fathers who are deadbeats or those that have never been in the picture.  Instead, we should spend this weekend (and every other day on the calendar) praising the men who do their jobs to raise their children and other youth in our community.

Some people have memories of their fathers playing football with them in the yard.  Others may remember their father as the one who had the thickest belt and gave the worst spankings.  A couple of you may remember your father as the one who sat at the head of the table and made all of the decisions.

Think of one word to describe your father.  What comes to mind? Honest. Smart. Disciplinarian. Supportive.  Funny.  Lazy.  Incredible.  When I think of my father, the word that comes to mind is CREATIVE.  He was one of the most creative and talented people I knew.  The first place I was able to trace this back to  is his high school days.  I found his high school graduation program.  (one of the main reasons I still have it is because Muhammad Ali – then Cassius Clay- also graduated with my father and his name is listed in the program).  My father received a special award at the ceremony.  It wasn’t for sports.  It wasn’t for academics.  Of all things, it was for tailoring!  My father had a gift using his hands.

Once he went to college at Tuskegee he excelled in academics, was the editor of the yearbook and joined a fraternity -Alpha Phi Alpha.  (The picture above shows him and his fraternity brothers, yes the Alphas had canes, he’s third from the front).  This unique thing I learned about this photo is that my father actually sewed the tuxedo jackets that they are wearing in this photo.  You never know when your creative talents can help a wide variety of people.

 My father passed away over 15 years ago but I am proud that I see some of his creative talents in myself.   People may be physically gone from our lives, but we should find solace in the fact that not only do their memories live forever, but every once in awhile we are blessed to have pieces of the ones we love passed on to us so that we too may carry out their journey.

M.Y.  June 2009

My Dad Loved Me

“My Dad Loved Me!”

June08-2About two years ago I moved back into my childhood home.  I have so many great memories that existed there and it’s interesting to transition from being the child in the house to now having full ownership and paying all the bills.
My house is in a great neighborhood with a backyard that is connected to a golf course.  It’s peaceful to sit outside on a cool day (haven’t had those recently) and enjoy all that nature had to offer.  But, my backyard also has something very unique.  A homemade balance beam!  Starting at the age of six, I was a very competitive gymnast.  I’d go to practice four days a week and could tumble without thought.  My father was always very crafty, and during elementary school, he built me my own wooden balance beam so that I could practice at home.  It was the exact length and width (4 inches) as the real thing.
Recently I went outside and walked right next to the beam.  I thought about the serious thought my father had to put into creating this masterpiece.  He had to carefully measure each piece of wood.  He also had to create something study enough so that it would stay in the ground.  It had to be able to outlast wind, rain, snow, hail and just my general body weight.  It had to be perfect.   Over 25 years later, it’s still perfect.
Growing up I probably took for granted the beam. Although I appreciated it, I never really contemplated the dedication and love my father had for me to even consider creating something like that.  I was my father’s baby girl, his only child, his pride and joy.  Still seeing the beam today lets me know that he wanted to do whatever he could to bring me happiness.  My father passed away in 1993.  Who would have known that  almost 15 years later an object made of wood would bring back the feelings and strong emotions of unconditional love and gratitude!!
Happy Father’s Day

M.Y.  June 2008

Happy Father’s Day

“Happy Father’s Day”

   My father passed away when I was a senior in high school.  He was one of the most creative, intelligent and artistic people I knew.  My father was actually the one who cooked most of the meals, made my Halloween costumes and helped me with class projects.  He even built a balance beam made of wood in the backyard so I could practice my gymnastics.  His big passion was trains!

When my parents passed away, I moved into the house where I grew up.  Still today in the basement is the train you see in the picture.  This train is over 6 feet long and my father created every piece of it.  I remember when I was younger my friends would come over and think it was the coolest thing.  I, too,  still think its cool every time I look at it, I just don’t know what to do with.

Whether living or dead, I hope everyone takes the time this weekend to reflect on a special memory/time you had with your father.  I sure miss mine.

M.Y.  June 2007