Happy Father’s Day Unhappy


The Saturday before Father’s Day, Milton and I were with Maximus at My Gym, a play gym for toddlers.   In the middle of class, I leaned over to Milton and whispered, “I feel nauseated.” In the world of a fertile woman, that general means two things: either I have food poisoning or I’m pregnant.  Milton wanted me to wait until Father’s Day to pee on a stick, but as the day went by, I kept having to urinate and was tired.  Later that evening, me, the toilet and a stick became one as I took a pregnancy test.  Instantly a “+” appeared, which meant we were preggo-tastic.

Milton was excited! I was excited! Maximus was looking at us like “what is wrong with you people?” I’d only had two menstrual cycles since I was breast feeding so Milton’s aim was once again on point.  On Facebook, Milton claimed Sunday to be “The Best Father’s Day Ever!” 

I called my doctor that following Monday and they wanted to wait until the six weeks mark before I was seen.  That was about a week later.  I went in and all the office people were excited, especially since they’d been there the entire time with Maximus’ birth. I was talking with Debbie, the sonographer, about Fort Knox as she was doing the exam.  I noticed I didn’t see the sac like I had with Maximus.  She called my doctor in and to doc said she didn’t think I was as far along as I thought.  They suggested to do some blood work and see me again in two weeks.

I went and had some blood drawn and was called the next day with results: HCG level 800, progesterone level 10.  Decent, but not great numbers.  I came back the next day for more blood work with the goal the 800 level would double.  I was called the next day to say the level instead had decreased.  That meant I was going to have a miscarriage.

You never want to hear those words.  You never want to call your husband and tell him those words.  At first I just sat there. I found amazing strength to get through the situation from a wonderful group of moms on Facebook.  I reached out to my special group of international mamas and let them know my tragic news.  Little did I know that many of them had been through similar experiences and now they have the most precious babies I have ever seen.  I told them it was one of those clubs I never wanted to be a member of, but I was glad such amazing people were in it with me.

Some people have symptoms first of a miscarriage. For me, I was told it would happen first. Then, came the stressful days of waiting for it to happen. It took about four days to start.  When you see the blood leaving for your body for the first time is when you know it is really happening.  I was fortunate not to have a painful or long process.  I was also blessed to have an adorable 13 month old son by my side that showed me what life is all about.  

I went back and forth as to whether or not I was going to write about this.  But I knew the strength I had to get through this came from the strength others had to share their stories and be there for me with full support. I pray that if anyone else goes through something similar, that they know they aren’t alone and its not their fault.  I also pray they know there can be life after death.  Milton and I will continue to help Maximus give a sister or brother.  Please keep us in your prayers. 

Not a Good Day

The doctors at University Hospital do weekly rotations.  Sunday was the end of one doctor’s rotation (Milton and I really liked him).  Milton and I talked with him in depth about what his plan for the next two weeks would be if he were here.  It was a great conversation and I understood his course of action. Today started a different doctor.  I hadn’t met him yet because he had been off work with a broken arm.  He came in with the cast still on but I liked him based off our first conversation.

His plan was similar to the previous doctor but a little in reverse.  Previous doctor wanted to do the betamethasone shot earlier in the week and the fetal fibronectin test later.  This doctor wanted to do the opposite.  Short education level:

Betamethasone – this is a shot given in your booty, once or two over a 24 hour period.  It’s purpose is to help with lung development in case the baby is delivered early. However, it only stays in your body for up to two weeks.

Fetal Fibronectin – this is a test that can be done on women who are 24-34 weeks pregnant.  They pretty much scrape inside of your va-jay-jay.  It shows if a certain fluid is present (which shouldn’t be present toward the end of your pregnantcy) exists. If the results are negative, then there is a 99% chance that you will NOT deliver in the next two weeks.  However, if the results are positive, there is a 33% chance that you might deliver in the next several weeks.

Current doctor wanted to do the fetal fibronectin test first because if the results were negative then there’s no reason to give me the beta shot.  I was excited at the possibilities because if my results came up negative, they were considering letting me go home early since the probability of me delivery before 32 weeks was 1% likely.

I said my prayer “Come on 99%!” This was not the time to be a part of the unique group.  One of the residents that I see daily came in around 11:00am to do the test. I thought positive thoughts.  It took very little time and the results would have one taken 1-2 hours.  I ate lunch (my left over Cracker Barrel Milton bought us the night before) and was watching tv. The resident came back in and said the results were positive.  THAT SUCKS!!!  No early hospital dismissal for me.  Baby Turner may still come out sooner than later.

I was very disappointed.  More disappointed from this than anything I’ve experienced since I was first told I’d be entering the hospital. I was sad.  My normal smile was non-existent.  While sitting there sulking, and after calling and telling Milton the unpleasant news, a nurse came in an worsened my mood even more. Labor and delivery was filling up so they needed to move me AGAIN back over to Post Partum (their over flow).  I was NOT a happy.  This move would have been my 5th room in less than three weeks.  Milton was not there to help me so I’d have to pack/move everything solo.  I instantly shut down and didn’t want to be bothered by really anyone. I had flashbacks of the closet they call a room in room 321. I started packing my things and then just laid there. I turned off the lights and tried to devise a plan where I could maybe go back to Baptist East for these last two weeks if it meant I would be in ONE decent room.

An assistant nurse of some sort brought in a cart and was going to walk away before asking if I needed any help putting my thing on it. Umm yeah… I have a month’s worth of both my and my husbands items, I’m on bed rest, can only walk 20 minutes a day, can not to do exercise or activities that involved using ab muscles – and you ask if I need help?

Almost an hour passes before the nurse comes back, and I wasn’t about to look for me.  She, Charley, was actually very helpful.  She could tell that I was bothered by this move and the constant transitions and wanted to see if there was something they could do.  Luckily someone gave birth which freed up another room.  By the end of the night, six women gave birth which freed up several rooms. If she hadn’t have been my cheerleader, I would have been stuck in the crammed up room while many free rooms were still available here.

I stayed in a funk the rest of the day and laid low as much as possible.  I thought about whether I would ever be able to put on my  maternity clothes again before giving birth. Milton brought some great dessert from the Homemade Pie and Ice Cream Kitchen and Baby Turner kept moving around to remind me that it’s all about him. I love him already and just want him to be okay and healthy.”

Belly in Disguise (10 weeks/1 day)

Belly go down!  Go down belly!  Little people shouldn’t be this bloated, especially when you need to wait until the end of the first trimester to tell people.  Okay?!  You must not have gotten the memo.  You must find joy in having my pants feel the need to unbutton the top button.  You laugh at me teaching Zumba with my stomach tucked in!

Well guess what!  I found a pair of pants that can hide you for awhile.  So take that!!

(Excuse, part of being pregnant is being emotional, and obviously I’m going through a little bit of that right now!)