Tag Archives: perspective

When Lightning Strikes

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When Lightning Strikes

July10-1It was time for my first national competition of the year.  Chicago, IL.  I had a lot of people on my side predicting that I would win my height class and turn pro.  All 25 fitness competitors were backstage warming on.  The first woman was lined up to perform – and then the lights went out.  A storm with 70 mph winds swept through the city.  We were without electricity with over 300,000 other people.  No tv or radio for updates.  No clue as to how long, or even if, it would be until we would compete.

For the next hour and forty minutes myself and the other competitors sat backstage and took the time to get to know each other.  And then out of nowhere, the bright lights came back on.  They asked us if we wanted to warm-up again on stage, but some women said “no, let’s just go”.  I hate to jinx myself at shows, so I usually don’t watch the competitors that go ahead of me.  On this day – it was a bad idea.

I sat in the dark for an extended amount of time, I never looked at the stage before going on.  When it was my time to perform and as my music started playing, I stood on the stage and couldn’t see a thing.  My eyes hadn’t adjusted to the change of light.  I just had to wing it.  As I walked off the stage, I knew I didn’t perform my best routine.  I was disappointed in myself.  It was a good routine, but not the great routine that I knew I would need to win.

And I let that get me down.  I wanted to win.  People expected me to win.  There were some amazing competitors there and I assumed that I would place 3rd.  But when the awards were presented, I ended up placing 5th.  I was so disappointed and frustrated and thought about just hanging up my competition shoes for awhile.

The day I was contemplating what to do, I received this great email message from OnyxLouisville reader Margaret Davis.  “You may have had some unfair things happen, things that you don’t understand; but let me tell you, you have come too far to stop now. Instead of allowing those things to hold you back, why don’t you let go and take a step of faith into the new? It’s time to get a new, bigger vision; it’s time to get a new, fresher outlook; it’s time to rise up with a new attitude! Instead of settling where you are, pick up and move forward. Have the attitude that says, “I may not understand it; it may not have been fair, but I am not getting stuck on this page. I know God has a new chapter for me-a chapter filled with blessings, favor and victory!” Her email was related to something completely different, but it was just what I needed to read at just the right time.  We need to quit dwelling on the past and what ‘could have been’ and instead stay focused on the opportunity that will exist in our future!  Thank you Margaret for helping put it all in perspective!

M.Y. July 2010

Happy? Birthday

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Happy? Birthday

June10-1Last week, on May 26, I celebrated another birthday.  I turned 34.  Now usually a new birthday doesn’t affect me too much.  But for some reason, this year was different. I woke up with back pains and I was more tired than usual.  I quickly made an appointment with my chiropractor, but felt if this was the way 34 would be, then  I needed to roll back over and just stay 33.  I then realized that I would be 35 next year which is just one more stepping stone closer to 40.  I’M GETTING OLD.  I’M FEELING OLD.  Ahhhhh!

From there my mind came to the realization that my plan to be married with kids by 30 didn’t come true.  Although there is great potential that those things are in the works, the reality is that they don’t currently exist.  So, while last Wednesday should have been a Happy day, it started in a funk.

As I started thinking about it, though, I realized that everything I saw as a negative, really was a positive.  I woke up sore, because for the past couple of weeks I’ve been practicing my next fitness routine.  I do back tucks and one-arm pushups.  I should be grateful that God has blessed me with those skills and still provides me the strength to do them!

There’s a reason I’m not currently married.  My mother had cancer for five years.  During that time, she became the most important person in my life.  I was in a relationship – with her. God needed me to be there as her support system and I cherish those times we spent together.   She taught me a lot of life lessons that I now can manifest into a marriage.

Kids – I love kids.  I taught 24 every year.  And then, I was able to send them home on the school bus.  God gave me the time and freedom to travel whenever and wherever my heart desired.  Last year I took 15 trips – fifteen!  I have been able to follow my passions , create my dreams and just be me.

I realized that all of our paths are different.  And while mine might not have been the one I planned or “thought” I wanted, it was the one specially designed for me.  I’ve accomplished some amazing things, met some tremendous people and been given some splendid opportunities.   I’m proud of who I am at 34 and can’t wait to see where God will lead me into 35!

M.Y. June 2010

Friendly Update

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Friendly Update

Apr10-1Thanks for all of the wonderful input to my recent situation (see below to read them all).  As mentioned last week, I had already acted on my decision, but was just curious to others’ perspectives.

So – here’s what happened.  “New guy” and I went out to eat and came back to my house afterwards.  As I pull in the driveway, there is a limo sitting in my driveway.  I do a double take (because I know I went to prom over 15 years ago) and out steps “guy” in a tuxedo.  My mouth drops.  As my mouth drops, “guy” drops to one knee and “new guy” says “Oh he!! no!”…… (April Fools Day!  The day falls on a Thursday once every 7 years – I had to do it! LOL!)

So here’s what really happened.  The day I received the last set of flowers, I really had to reflect on all that was happening.  Here I had a genuine friend that now feels he cares the absolute world for me. It was hard, because for 4 days he’d just be my friend and say he understood my situation, then out of the blue he’d pop out some emotion. (it was like Groundhog’s Day every week).  On the other hand, with “new guy” I met an amazing man that brings a smile to my face whenever I see him.  I saw “guy” twice this year and felt no strong connection.  I realized that “guy” came from a family and amazing lifestyle that people would dream about.  “New guy” had none of those things, but what he could offer was a heart of gold.  So, when I erased all the material things and just looked at the man – I knew exactly what I needed to do.

That night I emailed “guy” the following: “I find myself in a difficult situation.  I really appreciate your friendship and thought that with my new situation that we could remain friends.  But with every day that we are friends, there also comes the situations of you expressing your thoughts for me.  I understand that you care about me.  I knew that the first time you mentioned it. I fully understand that you think that you and I should be together and that you are the best person for me.  But, I am dating someone and only want to see where my situation with him can lead.  I want to be married and start a family.  It would be an amazing thing.  I know that if I want to be in a successful relationship, I have to be able to dedicate myself fully to someone regardless of possible distractions.  So I ask that you ‘halt’ the conversations/actions about ‘us’.  I truly appreciate your friendship, but I can’t continue to be your friend on these terms.”

“Guy” emailed back “I understand and will respect your wishes. You deserve nothing but the best and I’m sure your goals will be achieved.” and that was that.  He stopped calling and although he has sent an occasional friendly text or email, he has given me my space.

“New guy” knew about the entire situation from the very first day it started.  He always said he knew he couldn’t offer me the things that “guy” had, but he never felt that “guy” was any type of competition because he understood the connection we had.  Since omitting the distraction, my relationship with “new guy” has grown.  It’s amazing how much more can happen in life when we eliminate distractions (no matter how large or small they are).  So often, we look for the person with the qualities that look good ‘on paper’.  In the process we skip over many gems that can offer special qualities from ‘within’.  Life is all about taking a chance. You never know the outcome, but usually learn a lot about yourself in the process.  I also learned that although I would love to control the timing of everything that happens in my life, sometimes I just need to let God do his thing and embrace all the blessings put in front of me.

M.Y. April 2010

Snow Stress

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Happy Valentine’s Day to all the lovers, those that believe in love and those seeking love.  Remember love exists in many ways so spend this weekend with the people/things that bring a smile to your face!

Snow Stress

Feb10-2

I have a love/hate relationship with snow.  I love it because it is an amazing sight to see.    To see the glow of the snow in my backyard, especially before it is touched with footprints is simply peaceful.  The way the snow sits on top of branches and rooftops looks like the page out of a perfect storybook.  There is also the joy that my job operates on the school schedule, so when they are out – so am I!

And then there’s my reality – the steep driveway that serves as my sole distraction between me being stuck at home and being reunited with the real world.  It’s not a basic, flat driveway.  This driveway is on an incline. If it’s not shoveled, I will either slide right down it or not be able to get back up it.

On Tuesday we had about six inches of snow. As the garage lifted, I knew I was in for my some major work outside.  I HATE SHOVELING SNOW!!!!! Now living in my childhood home, it’s become an instant thought associated with snow.

As I shoveled the snow this week I started to become very frustrated. I thought to myself, ‘whoever prayed for snow, please tell God you’re satisfied and the snow can stop coming’.  I kept thinking about how much I hated doing this.  Life was just so horrible.

And then I had a flashback – my mother and my father used to shovel this same driveway.  Not once did I ever remember them complaining.  I then remembered one particular snow day.  I moved back home for a couple of years after college and was an elementary school teacher.  My mother had ovarian cancer, and had just had some lymph nodes removed from her neck with surgery.  As I slept in, I heard my various neighbors shoveling their driveways one morning.  When I finally got out of bed, I realized the noise that I heard was my own mother shoveling our driveway.  I remember asking her what she was doing.  Her response was, “I didn’t want you to be late for teaching!”  Here is this woman that was battling cancer and just had a procedure done on her neck and she’s outside shoveling snow for me.

At the remembrance of that memory, I instantly stopped complaining. If she could do that for me, I had no reason to complain about doing it myself.  I also realized that I was blessed because she had purchased the most super-duper snow shovel ever invented.  I don’t have to lean over to pick up snow, it’s large enough to shovel standing up.

By now my complaints seemed juvenile and I instead concentrated on the songs on my Ipod. As I got to the last scoop at the bottom of my driveway, I breathed a sigh of relief.  I looked down my street and saw a family outside.  They had built a large snowman and we admiring their finished product. Tis the season to make memories.  I am glad that my temporary negativity didn’t affect that family from creating a new memory those kids would never forget!

M.Y. February 2010

Begin Again in 2010

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Begin again in 2010!
Jan10-1

First of all – Happy New Year to each and every one of you! 2009 was a overall good year for me.  I traveled, traveled and traveled some more by taking 15 trips.  I fell in love with someone that lives 1,000 miles away, made a name for myself in the fitness world, and experienced history with Obama.  Unfortunately I also lost my grandmother, realized I need a new career and woke up one morning with a paralyzed neck.

Last year I set three goals. 1) to get my fitness pro card, 2) to open my heart to falling in love and 3) to increase the OnyxLouisville presence.  I was very close (4 points) to getting my pro card. I spent a year in a relationship and to feel loved was amazing!  And, I met my goal for OnyxLouisville.

This year with 2010, I decided to do “10 for 10 in 2010″!  I have set ten goals this year.  Some are continuations from last year like getting my fitness pro card.  Others are extensions of last year.  Although my relationship started out great, toward the end of the year I wasn’t sure if it was “the one”.  So, I am starting out this year single again with a goal once again of developing a new successful relationship.  Then there are new goals like doing more public speaking for community service organizations and seeking another career.  I might not achieve all of my goals in 2010, but it’s a direction to work toward.

Why not join me in “10 for 10 in 2010″?!  Think about ways you want to improve yourself. Whether big or small, set some goals and try to achieve them.  Share your goals with others so they can offer you support and encouragement.  The sky should be the limit for all of us this year.  If you believe, you can achieve!

M.Y. January 2010

Just One

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Just one

Dec09-3Recently I had to take my car to the dealership for the 60k mile service.  In return I was given a loaner. Boy, this car was sharp – the new Lexus ES350.  It had the touch start, automatic windshield wipers and head lights and pretty much everything you could ask for.  I was driving in style.

Since I got the car Saturday, I was able to keep it through Monday morning.  It was luxury at best.  Nobody could tell me anything as I drove my new Lex down I-71 for a planned trip to Cincinnati.  I was sad to let her go, but glad to be reunited again with my SUV.

The day after returning the car, I flew to North Carolina to spend time with my aunts.  The first thing I did as I arrived was pick up my rental car. Since it was just me traveling and I wouldn’t be going far, I asked for the cheapest thing – an economy car.  They pulled up a cute blue Hyundai Accent Hatchback.

I turned the key in the ignition and was on my way.  After a short distance I noticed my mirrors weren’t adjusted.  I looked for the button to change them.  There wasn’t one.  There was a manual handle instead by each mirror.  I could reach the left one, but the right one was too far away.  I continued to look around and saw that everything was manuals.  The locks were manual.  The windows were manual.  Everything.

It was odd going from one extreme to the other in less than 24 hours.  But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this happens to people all the time.  Sometimes we feel like we are on the top of the world and all it takes is one incident, one misstep, one unfortunate event to take it all away.  The recession, for example, has caused many people to be laid off and rethinking their priorities.  One drink has caused some to lose their jobs.  Just one car crash can cause all of your hidden secrets to come out of the closet.  Just one.

But with that, you also need to appreciate what you still have.  I may not have driven in luxury for those two days in NC, but I had a reliable source of transportation.  It was a great size for me.  The mileage was amazing and it only cost $2.30 to fill her back up.  So, while it’s great to have luxuries in life (there is nothing wrong with being proud of them), also realize that when that one thing has happened to take you down a level, that there are still many blessings around you.

Merry Christmas!

M.Y.  December 2009