Tag Archives: dating

Singled Out Recap

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“Singled Out Recap”

Jan10-4I co-sponsored the first Singles’ Networking Event last week and was nervous about the outcome.  So many parties are flooded with women with just a sprinkle of men.  We asked everyone to pre-pay in advance so that we could keep up with the ratio of men/women and make the check in process go faster.

The day of the event, my email went crazy with people registering.  We had to stop letting the females register and only allowed 10 more men to pay at the door.  We had a sold out crowd!

And then the middle school party began!  The men actually started arriving before the women and there were probably 4 men for every 1 woman for the first 30 minutes.  After it filled up some more I had to walk over to the men and tell them there wasn’t an imaginary line in the room – they were allowed to walk over to the other side and talk to the women.

Luckily that didn’t last too long!  The room filled up with an almost equal number of women and men. People were smiling and laughing.  Folks were eating and drinking. It was one of few places where you could walk around and talk to different people and nobody looked at you funny. Everyone yelled at the tv screen as UL lost their game. And then people started circling the letters/numbers of people they were interested in. I saw some folks batting eyes at each other and exchanging numbers.  At 10pm, we literally had to kick people out of the event.

It took me over five hours to review all of the matches and email everybody.  There were a good number of connections made so it will be interesting to see where it all leads.  Those that didn’t get into the event have already asked about the next one and those that did attend are equally excited.  It was one of those nights where even if you didn’t make a love connection, you came away with some new friendships in the area.

Stay posted – the next singles event might be just around the corner (February 11 to be exact!) 

 

 

M.Y. January 2010

Age No Limit

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Age No Limit

Jan10-3

I was reflecting recently on the dating scene in Louisville.  If you’re in the right place, at just the right time, and happen to be in just the right mood – you can meet some really wonderful people.  Although I do have certain preferences in the men I am attracted to, age has no barrier.

Older, younger, same age – they are all potential “Future Mr. Yeagers”.  However, I also realized that each age range can have its misfortunes.

 

Part I – The Younger Man

Our eyes first met at a party several years ago.  He was standing alone in a corner and I walked up and said hello.  He asked me to dance.  While on the floor, we asked each other’s age.  I said 29.  He said 23.  My eyes opened in shock.  Just a baby I thought to myself.  But he had a good personality and a great smile.  We talked a great deal that night, but he never asked for my phone number.

Several weeks went by and we ran into each other at an ice cream store.  We once again exchanged smiles and conversation, but once again he made no attempt to get in further contact.  I assumed he was either not interested or gay.

More time goes by and once again we are at the same party.  This time he is even more excited to see me.  We dance, we chat.  He asks me for a date.  I accept.  Dates turn into a relationship and life is good – except for one thing.  His mother didn’t like me at all. Without knowing me, she just didn’t care for me.

One day we realized we went to the same high school.  He pulled out his yearbook and it was entitled ‘Past, Present, Future’.  In HIS yearbook under the ‘Past’ header is a picture of MY senior class with me sitting in the front row.  I think I grew three gray hairs at that moment.

Anyway, the relationship eventually ended.  As soon as it did, he moved out of his apartment and back home.  The timing of the move was rather odd so I asked him about it.  His response – “When I first met you I knew that you wouldn’t date me if you knew I lived at home, so I moved out”.  I was speechless.  I now understood why his mother gave me a cold shoulder and also why it took him so long to ask me out.  But in a weird way, I felt honored.  A man that does something that drastic to try to win your heart is a man that will make a great husband to the right woman!

Moral of the story (as I click my heels together three times): “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home!”

M.Y. January 2010

Ebony-n-Ivory Accepted Here?

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Ebony-n-Ivory Accepted Here?

Mar09-1People everywhere celebrated the election of Barack Obama.  Others felt it was a terrible day and that they could never respect a black man as their president.  If we look at Obama’s background, we see that he is more diverse than many of us.  And while we all say we are accepting of it (to the general public he looks like an average black man), are all of us really?

Barack was born to a Caucasian American female and an African male from Kenya.  When we say someone is African-American, he definitely fits that description.  Outwardly it seems like the minority community is more accepting of interracial relationships, but are we?  A couple of weeks ago I received an email from an OnyxLouisville reader.  She attended a party and was very troubled by her experience.  I told her I would write about her situation and get the input of others.  Please help her out.

Her Initial email:
I just wanted to address some things I have noticed lately.  I was born and raised in Louisville and throughout the last couple years I have been so frustrated with how our “grown up” nightlife scene is. My frustration stems from the ignorance I have seen. I have many friends that love the music but will not step foot into parties such as the ones at Raw and the Winery based on the simple fact of the pettiness they have experienced. I thought Louisville would be more diverse by now, but wow I am shocked.  Why does my race have to be addressed when I walk in the doors? I understand I am Caucasian but why must the ladies always point that out with side comments and harsh looks? I usually just laugh at it, but now I am really trying to come to terms with why this is still going on. I hate that my city has to be so ignorant. What is up with that?

Her follow up email where I asked specifically what happened:
Aside from the deer in headlights looks I receive (and trust me I am not just being paranoid), as a woman I am sure you can relate. Between 5 to 6 females made it a point to approach my boyfriend and ask him why he was here with a “white chick”, much to their dismay we have been together for 3 years but I am a pretty private person so it caught me and him off guard. He said he had females coming up to him that he barely knew making comments. Disrespectful is an understatement. Also, my guy was introducing me to someone and she tried to pull him aside and ask if he was really with a “white girl” and then he went on to introduce me out of respect and she said “Is this a new one”? Like I was a new pair of stilettos! She later apologized to him saying she didn’t recognize me because my hair was up when she saw me last time. Do you think this is just a female thing or a race thing? I feel like it is a little of both and it’s such a tragedy.

So readers, what is your response?  Are you accepting of interracial couples?  Are ‘urban professional’ parties supposed to have an all black crowd?  When you disagree with someone’s choices in a mate, do you have a right to vocalize it to the person?  Would you still love Michelle Obama if she had blonde hair and blue eyes?  Is love really color blind? What would you do if you were in her situation?

M.Y. March 2009

From a Man’s Perspective

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‘From a Man’s Perspective’

Aug08-3I’m yielding my column this week to my counterparts and letting the man’s voice come through.  I spent the past week interviewing men on their perspectives on dating.  These were all men that I have never dated and the majority were men that I have never even met.  The only things these men had in common are that they are OnyxLouisville readers and they are all 30-39 years old (and single).  I’d love to hear your perspective on this as well, so please click on the message board at the bottom to give your input.

How much weight is in a date?  First of all, a date is simply a date and nothing more.  Going on one date does not mean that you are exclusive with that person.  Most men date more than one person for an extended amount of time until they feel they are ready to settle down.  It may take several dates before a man knows that he is truly interested in getting to know you better.

In the club? The men also stated that when they go to out and meet a woman, they are generally interested in getting to know her better and not just take her home.  However women, be careful of the late night breakfast line!  Most men will take your number, but if they meet someone else that same night, will get that number also.  It’s all about options to find the right one.

But how do you know if he’s interested?  If a man is interested, he will call you on a regular basis.  He will initiate asking you to do things and inquire about you and your life.  ‘I will make her my hobby to learn, study and have fun with and hopefully love may grow.’  When he is not interested, he may call once a week (usually out of boredom) or hang out with you just because he needs something to do.  Some men are straight forward and will tell the person he is not interested while others will just let the situation slowly fade.

What’s attractive?  Men love a women with great style, personality and a sense of  humor.  They also like a great hairstyle.  Men dislike women that are loud, burp, curse a lot and don’t take care of themselves.  Most don’t mind a woman with one child.   But having a van full of kids changes the story.

What about sex?  The average amount of time and man will wait to have sex with someone is two to three months.  Few would have sex on the first date, but others would be more cautious.  Some (not most) will even have sex with more than one person.  It is not until a conversation is had that a man and a woman enter into an exclusive relationship.  I asked one guy why sex and exclusivity are not synonymous.  His answer was simple, but true – greed!

Pet peeves about dating in Louisville?  Many men said that women want men to bring a lot to the table, yet don’t have anything to offer in return.  Some women are stuck up – when a man approaches them with a simple hello, women give a fake smirk and turn their back. Women are also bringing baggage from previous relationships and automatically assume each man will treat her the same way.  Men want women to put more trust into the new man instead of making the man prove his worth.   Louisville is a haven for dating someone that your friend has dated.  While this can often be frustrating, most men would still give a woman a chance that only casually went on a date with one of his friends.

So, what’s all this mean?  Since I don’t know most of these men, yet assume their answers are all true, I do think men are really looking ultimately to settle down.  I think they take a different approach than most women.  However, it all boils down to their actions.  Men (and women) can say all that they want to, but it’s their actions that truly tell you what’s going on.  Who initiates most of the conversations?   Is he spending quality time with you or always giving you an excuse that he’s busy?  Is she showing you that she cares or solely waiting for you to do something for her?  If he/she hasn’t told you it’s exclusive, then don’t make the assumption!

As we enter a new month, I encourage everyone to participate in OnyxLouisville’s ‘DATE ONLY ONE PERSON’ month.  Try it.  For the month of September focus your attention on only one person and see where the situation can lead.  Trust me, you won’t miss out on anything, but could gain true romance!  You have a little over a week to take applications and determine the winner!  I can’t create the DATE ONLY ONE PERSON month, unless I participate so I guess I’ll end so I can get started!

M.Y. August 2008

The Good, the Bad and the U-G-L-Y

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‘The good, the bad and the u-g-l-y’

Aug08-2I learn a lot from my married friends and vice versa.  They find both excitement and humor in the happenings of today’s single world.  Who needs reality tv when you can just talk about what you did over the weekend?Here are some of my recent adventures. Names have been changed to protect…. (well not really to protect anyone, but nicknames sound much better).
‘Mr. Out of Town’
The good:  He took me on a tour of San Diego so I could see all the sights that I didn’t get to see while at my conference.  The bad:  He chose to see the movie ‘Don’t Mess with the Zohan’ (it wasn’t that bad of a movie).  The ugly:  While pulling into the parking spot at the theatre, I hear a screech sound.  We get out and there is a large white line all along the passenger side of his black Navigator from where his car hit the pole. (He actually had a good attitude about it and didn’t let it bother him the rest of the night)

‘Mr. Executive’
The good: while at a competition out of town, he offers to buy me a hotel room (one that doesn’t include him) so that I won’t have to drive home late at night.  The bad: he leaves my place and once arriving home out of town says he thinks he left his credit card holder at my house.  The ugly: I find the card holder and happen to glance at his driver’s license (I was curious) – only to discover that he is five years older than he told me.  (Why lie?  Is 39 really that different than 44?)

‘Dr. Ho’
The good: we attend an outdoor concert together and share our first kiss while slow dancing and being serenaded by a classic song.  The bad:  On our first date, he randomly, out of the blue, feels the need to tell me he hasn’t been circumcised.  The ugly:  After several more dates he tells me that he wants to take about six months to get to know me, however, if it were up to him, we’d be having sex since day one. (Wow, some thoughts are much better kept on the inside – and from a distance!)

‘Young Ivy League’
The good: Although younger in age, he’s a Harvard grad with a lot going on for him.  The bad:  We know some of the same people, yet many people said they question his character.  The ugly: On a ‘date’ he takes me to a car wash – in an alley – in a guy’s garage – a garage filled with about 20 dudes – all of which are smoking and drinking – and he pulls out a beer and asks if I want one. (I am not your hommie from the hood!)

M.Y.  August 2008

The Dating Game

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“The Dating Game”
Aug08-1I HATE the dating game because that’s really all it is – a game.  I took a short break from figure competing  toward the end of May and also actively jumped back into the dating scene after a lengthy hiatus.  It has been an interesting experience and one that I can say I don’t miss.

First let me explain my dating philosophy – 1. You meet various people and ‘hang out’ with them.  2. You find someone you’re interested in, and you exclusively date that person.  3. You like him/her, he/she likes you and you establish a relationship.

In June, I met a plethora of nice, single men in some of the most random places (I attribute it to the short haircut!)  Examples: I met a flight attendant from VA at my gym, I met a guy from Louisville at the airport in Denver, a guy from Cincy at a competition, one online, one person was introduced through a mutual friend -.  None of them were men I met in the club.  It was great to have multiple dates in one week and meet some wonderful men doing great things with their life. However, at some point emotions get involved and the game gets more intense.

Some of these men  developed feelings for me.  For some odd reason, one guy thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread.  And while I think he’s a nice person, that’s where it stops.  I enjoy the conversation but don’t see him as the next “Mr. Yeager”.  For the most part I’ve been just enjoying the ride trying to see where all of these situations could lead me.  There were a couple of times where I thought I’d move to phase 2 with a gentleman, but I think it was just gas since the thought didn’t stay around too long.

Also, Louisville is such a small place, especially for black young professionals.  There is a great chance that the person you date has either dated one of your friends or at least someone you know.  If you’re both in the ‘hanging out’ phase, you run the risk of both being out to the same movies or a restaurant (on dates with other people).  And timing also plays a major role.  If I would have met my “Mr. Right” back in March, I wouldn’t have given him the time of day because I was constantly with my man “gym”.  You have to BOTH be in the right place at the right time in order for it to work.

Everyone comes into your life for a reason.   I am blessed for each man I have met and have learned a lot about myself in the process.  I know that my other half is somewhere out in the world and I feel like he is just around the corner.  If you’ve met him, make sure you tell him where to find me. Until then, I will be patient until it is our time to meet.

M.Y. August 2008