From a Man’s Perspective

‘From a Man’s Perspective’

Aug08-3I’m yielding my column this week to my counterparts and letting the man’s voice come through.  I spent the past week interviewing men on their perspectives on dating.  These were all men that I have never dated and the majority were men that I have never even met.  The only things these men had in common are that they are OnyxLouisville readers and they are all 30-39 years old (and single).  I’d love to hear your perspective on this as well, so please click on the message board at the bottom to give your input.

How much weight is in a date?  First of all, a date is simply a date and nothing more.  Going on one date does not mean that you are exclusive with that person.  Most men date more than one person for an extended amount of time until they feel they are ready to settle down.  It may take several dates before a man knows that he is truly interested in getting to know you better.

In the club? The men also stated that when they go to out and meet a woman, they are generally interested in getting to know her better and not just take her home.  However women, be careful of the late night breakfast line!  Most men will take your number, but if they meet someone else that same night, will get that number also.  It’s all about options to find the right one.

But how do you know if he’s interested?  If a man is interested, he will call you on a regular basis.  He will initiate asking you to do things and inquire about you and your life.  ‘I will make her my hobby to learn, study and have fun with and hopefully love may grow.’  When he is not interested, he may call once a week (usually out of boredom) or hang out with you just because he needs something to do.  Some men are straight forward and will tell the person he is not interested while others will just let the situation slowly fade.

What’s attractive?  Men love a women with great style, personality and a sense of  humor.  They also like a great hairstyle.  Men dislike women that are loud, burp, curse a lot and don’t take care of themselves.  Most don’t mind a woman with one child.   But having a van full of kids changes the story.

What about sex?  The average amount of time and man will wait to have sex with someone is two to three months.  Few would have sex on the first date, but others would be more cautious.  Some (not most) will even have sex with more than one person.  It is not until a conversation is had that a man and a woman enter into an exclusive relationship.  I asked one guy why sex and exclusivity are not synonymous.  His answer was simple, but true – greed!

Pet peeves about dating in Louisville?  Many men said that women want men to bring a lot to the table, yet don’t have anything to offer in return.  Some women are stuck up – when a man approaches them with a simple hello, women give a fake smirk and turn their back. Women are also bringing baggage from previous relationships and automatically assume each man will treat her the same way.  Men want women to put more trust into the new man instead of making the man prove his worth.   Louisville is a haven for dating someone that your friend has dated.  While this can often be frustrating, most men would still give a woman a chance that only casually went on a date with one of his friends.

So, what’s all this mean?  Since I don’t know most of these men, yet assume their answers are all true, I do think men are really looking ultimately to settle down.  I think they take a different approach than most women.  However, it all boils down to their actions.  Men (and women) can say all that they want to, but it’s their actions that truly tell you what’s going on.  Who initiates most of the conversations?   Is he spending quality time with you or always giving you an excuse that he’s busy?  Is she showing you that she cares or solely waiting for you to do something for her?  If he/she hasn’t told you it’s exclusive, then don’t make the assumption!

As we enter a new month, I encourage everyone to participate in OnyxLouisville’s ‘DATE ONLY ONE PERSON’ month.  Try it.  For the month of September focus your attention on only one person and see where the situation can lead.  Trust me, you won’t miss out on anything, but could gain true romance!  You have a little over a week to take applications and determine the winner!  I can’t create the DATE ONLY ONE PERSON month, unless I participate so I guess I’ll end so I can get started!

M.Y. August 2008

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