Love My Wife?

I went to a conference several years ago and met a single guy.  We both loved sports and had good conversation. One night we hung out, he made sexual advances that I wasn’t interested in participating.  I said it was time for me to go and walked away.  Many men do these things, but I thought he was different – he was a priest.

The next year I went to the same conference and worked registration.  He arrived in the line.  This time he wore a wedding ring.  I thought ‘Congratulations, he met someone recently and settled down’ to myself.  That night he led the youth service – no ring.  Hmmm…  Later that night he asked me if he could borrow some soap (likely line).  I told him I had the same soap as everyone else in attendance.  I asked him where his wedding ring went.  He denied that he was wearing one and said he wasn’t married.

Several days later, we went for a walk and he asked the type of car I drove.  I said a Toyota Corolla.  He said a Dodge Caravan.  Hold on – isn’t that a minivan?  So, I asked if he were truly married.  He said yes. This priest had been married for 13 years and they had two children.   What!?  He tried to justify why he tried to come across as single to me and hide his reality.  To me, there was no acceptable reason.

I became baffled as to how to handle the situation.  There’s not much I can do when a man tries to cheat on his wife, but when it’s a priest, that’s a little more extreme.  I confidentially talked with a woman that was over the conference.  She was appalled.  She confronted him about it (with me there).  With his wedding ring on, he denied everything and said that I was the one that came on to him.  I walked out of the room feeling hurt and further betrayed.  After I left he admitted everything to her.

I was given the option of reporting the situation to the religious powers that be.  I went home and prayed on what to do.  He emailed me everyday asking for forgiveness and acknowledged that his life was in my hands.  I decided to leave the situation in the past and prayed that he would change his ways.  I have not heard from him since.

I write this because I see these same situations here in Louisville.  Men (and women) that we all know are married are finding love(?) in others.  Some are pretty prominent in the community.  It amazes me that these people take their ‘other lover’ out to very public places.  Often the wife knows, and knows that everyone else knows, yet chooses to stay in the relationship.  Now, I’m not married, so I can’t cast judgment as to why the women stay.  But, I am so curious as to why the men stray and why the single woman allows the married man in her life.  Of all the cheaters I know, I have never talked to the other spouse about it.  I guess I feel that it is not my place.  However, I wonder if my silence makes it seem that I feel the situation is acceptable.

Love is tricky and I know not to mess in grown folks business.  But, I can do my part and choose not to participate in that ‘fake love’ d.r.a.m.a.!

M.Y.  January 2009