Category Archives: M.Y. Words

Michelle for 1st lady – no make that president!

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   “Michelle for 1st lady – no, make that president!!”

Oct08-2For the past several months I’ve wanted a “Michelle for 1st lady” shirt in support of Michelle Obama (and all the Michelles in the world)!  But the more I’ve watched tv recently, I have decided to set my goals higher.  Heck, it’s not even feasibly possible to be single and a first lady (hence being 1st lady requires your hubby to be the prez).  Now, I too want to be VP.  Keep reading for some of my highlights:

Education:  My grandmothers were teachers, my parents worked on college campuses, I was taught by teachers, I was a teacher and now I help teachers.  Next question.

Risky photos:  I have been spotted in a one piece and two piece swimsuit recently.  My talent is fitness and there is video of my one arm pushups.  There are also plenty of cheerleading photos with short skirts or high school photos with daisy dukes.

International affairs: On a monthly basis I receive emails from various people in Nigeria.  They claim to be my relatives and often seek money for assistance or are proud to tell me I’ve won a large sum in a lottery. I’ve also taste tested guinea pig while traveling through Ecuador.

View on gay marriage:  Who has time to think about if other people should be married?  I’m focused on getting myself married.  I’d require married men to have their rings permanently glued to their finger so they can’t parade around town acting single.  Men and women would both wear a light on their forehead.  If you first meet someone and both lights flash green – there’s potential.  However, it one person’s light turns red – run, run as fast as you can!

Healthcare:  Dr. Lagerstrom is my primary care doc, Dr. Crawford my GYN, Dr. Shuler my chiro, Dr. Hakeem my dentist and Dr. Schrodt my dermatologist.  Too many doctors in too many locations.  I’d make doctor’s offices like malls.  All are in one location so you can get in and get out.  There’s be sales on certain procedures and they’d be open on the weekend and until 9 during the week.

National relations:  I once bought a Toyota Corolla across the bridge in Indiana.  I had to work hand in hand with those Hoosiers to get the best deal possible.  I can see IN from many parts of Louisville and even party there most Derby Friday evenings.

My name is Michelle Yeager and I approve this message

M.Y.  October 2008

Objects In Mirror

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Objects in Mirror

Have you ever seen a product on tv that you knew you just couldn’t live without?  Like the fitness equipment that has everyone losing 80 pounds in 5 hours.  They all look so happy and the before and after pictures are amazing.  Then you receive your product and it’s a cheap piece of plastic.  When you get on it, you don’t have the same fun they do, you lose only half a pound and in the end it collects dust in the corner of your room.

Or what about the product online that is guarantee to give you a bigger booty (yes, it’s a real website).  They show these women with plumb glutes.  The before and after pictures are very convincing as you see a sista go from flatback to thick thighs.  When the pills arrive in the mail, you’re disappointed to see that is just a bottle of Vitamin E with a fancy label.

Men, there’s something for you too.  We hear all the commercials.  We receive plenty of the spam email.  There is a cure to make you a better lover in bed.  You can be a black stallion and get your groove on all night long (and probably into the next morning).  The men that try it usually say either the still lack bedroom skills or even worse, ‘it’ doesn’t go down.  Their partners feel the money could have been better used on shopping.

It’s also interesting to me that every product seems to be the low price of $19.99.  Does that one cent really make a difference?  We are so drawn in to temptation and the appeal of it all without taking time to do our research.  If we were just a little more patient, the truth will reveal it all.  This is also true with dating.  How often have we dated someone to originally meet their ‘representative’ and then two months later find out who they really are?

Time tells all.  I have had the same experience when meeting some people for the first time.  If they’ve seen my competition pictures, they assume I am a massive bodybuilder with thick shoulders and muscles peeking out of every crease of my clothes.  Then mini-me shows up and they are rather surprised.  I am not bodybuilder.  I just workout. The person in the photo with me, Iris Kyle, is the 6 time Ms. Olympia bodybuilding.   I don’t think she has to worry about me ever competing for her title.  Objects in my personal mirror are definitely larger than they appear!

M.Y.  October 2009

Death to Text

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“Death to Text”

Septe08-4

Growing up, one of my best friends was Mavis.  We hung out for several hours at a time.  That’s right! The Mavis Beacon program taught me how to type. I was challenged sitting at the keyboard.  “sdfs, jklk, sssdd, jklll, asda, jjkl”.  I watched those skills increase over the years and have now become a speed demon when it comes to typing.

The key to typing was to use your eight fingers (and two thumbs for the spacebar) to be able to work an entire keyboard – 26 letters, 10 numbers and a bunch of extra symbols.  Even typing this, its amazing to watch my fingers do the work with what seems like very little thought from my brain waves.

But now life is different.  Texting is the new thing.  Although it’s similar to typing, the process is the exact opposite.  With texting, you primarily use your thumbs.  How goofy is that?  And, the more you can abbreviate a word, the more ‘hip’ you seem.  IDK- I don’t know, TTYL – talk to you later, ur – your.  While I admit it can be a quick and easy way to communicate, it can also lead to confusion.

Someone I know was in a horrible accident recently.  My friend had been keeping me updated on his progress. She wrote, ‘although he will be d/c’ed soon’!  Are you serious (I thought to myself)?!  Deceased?  I just saw the guy two weeks earlier at a party.  I couldn’t sleep the entire night thinking how this person’s life would be cut short.  I wondered about his son, I wondered about his pain.  How do you prepare to die?

I called my friend the next day to get an update.  After talking for awhile, she mentioned that he was going home.  She didn’t mention the ‘death’ word so I thought she was trying to avoid talking about it.  So I brought it up and reminded her about the email.   She said, “Michelle, I meant he was going to be d/c’ed, DISCHARGED, soon!”  We both started laughing hysterically.  It’s amazing how one little word can be misinterpreted to mean a completely different thing.

So, the next time you let your fingers do the walking or your thumbs do the talking, be careful with what you write – it can be the difference between life and death!

M.Y.  October 2008

What’s Up with the Emmy’s

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  “What’s Up With the Emmy’s?”

Septe08-4I watched the Emmy’s on Sunday night.  I always enjoy seeing the flowing dresses of the women and waiting to see if my favorite actor/actress will win.  However, while watching this year I became a little perplexed.  Let me break it down.

The Emmy’s honor the best actors on television.  Right?  The awards are given out by some of the best actors in the business.  Right?  So why do award shows always seem so unrehearsed and scattered?  The actors are on stage struggling to read the teleprompter.  Dude, why are you even reading a teleprompter – shouldn’t you just have it memorized?  The presenters know in advanced what they’ll be doing – so what’s the problem?  I just don’t know.  You’d think for a live performance there’d be a little more talent in the presentation, but I guess not.

And then we have the speeches.  Many speeches look like they are written on a napkin in their limo in route to the show (if they had a speech at all).  Some get on the stage awe-struck as if they are not used to performing in front of an audience.  YOU’RE AN ACTOR!!!  That’s the entire reason you received the award.

After pondering this during a commercial break, I believe I know why all this happens.  These folks are actors.  They get paid (a whole heck of a lot of dinero) to play the roles of different characters.  However, when asked to act genuine, they struggle.  While presenting an award, they try to play themselves without trying to play themselves.  Once they win an award and take the stage to give their speech, once again their vulnerability is on the line.

I think many of us do the same thing.  It can be very easy to send our “representative” out in public.  You can say the things you want to say and present yourself in a way that has others salivating at the simple thought of you.  You can perceive yourself to live a life of luxury, yet be up to your nostrils in debt.  You can show up at every party, yet go home to cry yourself to sleep because you are in so much pain yet fearful to see the doctor.  You can brag about the number of women you’ve dated, yet deep down know your preference is men.  You can brag about your wonderful marriage, yet haven’t slept next to your husband in several months.

But, luckily, eventually truth reveals itself and it’s such a refreshing moment.  You never know when that moment can happen to any of us.  Hopefully when it does happen, each of us will be there to embrace that friend, family member or loved one.  The truth shall set us all free!

M.Y.  September 2008

Three Little Pigs

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The Three Little Pigs

Sept08-3As I left church on Sunday morning, there was a strong wind in the air.  Usually with the wind, comes the rain.  We all rapidly ran to our cars to avoid the sudden outburst of water.  As I sat in my driver’s seat I was almost certain I had just missed the storm.  But it never happened.  I tried to go see Tyler Perry’s new movie about a hour later.  Five minutes into the movie the power flickered, then movie came back on – but without sound.  We received a free movie voucher and left.

While driving home Sunday afternoon I noticed the damage already that existed on the streets.  Winds up to 85 mph swept through our city.  I sat in my living room looking through the windows watching the trees sway every which way.  At one point the door shuttered and I felt like one of the three little pigs.  The wolf (wind) was trying to blow my house down, but the brick surrounding my walls said not by the hair of my chinny chin chin.

All of this was caused by a wind storm! A WINDSTORM?  Whoever heard of that?  Was there even a way to prepare if we would have been forewarned?  I was one of the few fortunate people not to lose power.  I assumed it was my entire neighborhood but found out later the first part of my street was powerless.  My job, however, was without power which meant two days off work. I reconnected with an old friend and had a fun slumber party.  My heart ached for some of my friends, especially those with children.  Not only were their children stuck at home all day, they had no televisions to watch, computers to surf nor ways to charge their cell phones – talk about forced family bonding!  Folks that went to the grocery last weekend were forced to throw out desired food.  A candlelight dinner is romantic, but not when you’re eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and twinkies.    Slowly but surely our city will be back to normal.  Kids will once again get to attend school.  Stoplights will once again function as stoplights.  People will still flock to watch their favorite show.  Your husband can once again heat up chicken nuggets to serve the kids dinner. Sometimes it takes a natural disaster for us to appreciate the things we have.  Sometimes it takes a natural disaster to open our arms to others.  Sometimes it takes a natural disaster to love the people around us.
M.Y.  September 2008

Evacuate?

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“Evacuate?”
Sept08-2I went on a mini-vacation to Myrtle Beach last week.  I arrived on Wednesday with plans of checking out on Saturday morning.  On Friday, though, there was talk all over the media about Hurricane/Tropical Storm Hanna hitting Myrtle Beach late Friday evening.  Why does Hanna have to ruin my party?  There was a note on my villa door on Friday morning stating that the governor had issued a voluntary evacuation for the area.  Voluntary + evacuation – aren’t those two words an oxymoron?  Being that I get nervous at seeing just five drops of water fall from the sky, it was a no-brainer for me.  My friend and I headed to Florence, SC for the night and came back to the beach the next day.

While there, I thought about the people in New Orleans and their evacuations.  Mine was a simple overnight trip.  All I had to do was pack my travel suitcase and drive down the road for an hour.  There’s was much more extreme.  What would we do if we were forced to evacuate from Louisville?  Would you wait around a bit or leave immediately?  Where would you go?  What personal items would you take with you?  What phone calls would need to be made?  How would you feel if you came home to nothing?

These are the thoughts the residents down south had to face with Hurricane Katrina and Gustav.  It could not have been an easy decision.  I talked to my uncle that lives down there.  He was rescued by helicopter during Katrina.  I assumed it would have been a simple decision for him to leave for Gustav.  He said no.  He waited until the last minute to leave.  But why? His simple reply – “That’s my home.  New Orleans is all I know”.

I said a special prayer for the residents of New Orleans because nobody can truly know what they have been through.  Many have young children and/or elder parents which makes the transition even more difficult.  Aside from the easy to see physical damage, the emotional stress has taken it’s toll on many of them.  They talk about the Katrina kids having horrible fits through the day or nightmares at night.  Many adults are still trying to get back on their feet.  The thought of walking away from the only place you know, knowing that you have nowhere to go and possibly expect to come back to absolutely nothing is not something that anyone should have to experience in their lifetime.  I pray that they will one day again have a place to call home.

M.Y. September 2008