Hair Vent

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“Hair Vent”

Feb08-5It is currently 7:40pm and I am sitting under a hair dryer. I have been at the hair salon since 4:00pm today. The longer I sit here, the longer I begin to ponder the question: “How long should you really spend getting your hair done?” I thought about all of the other things I do in life and the amount of time it takes to complete them. Working out – 90 minutes. I’m talking about a full body workout which includes cardio. Eating out- I can go to a restaurant and (even with a wait) be in and out in less than two hours. Church – I get a sermon, songs, and a prayer in 2 hours or less. (If I go to my Episcopal Church, they also throw in communion each Sunday and we’re out in about an hour) Get R Done! A trip to the doctor for my annual physical – now docs aren’t always on schedule, but once you get back in a room most of the attention is focused on you. I’ll give it 90 minutes max. Still, nothing mentioned is close to four hours!

So, is it me? Is my hair that messed up? The last time I looked in the mirror I didn’t think I had the nappiest ‘do around. I mean, I don’t have a lot of Indian in my family, but my hair does have potential. I don’t get color, finger waves or micro braids. Why? Why? Why? My hair isn’t even thick so you can’t blame it on the dryer.  I will give some time to the fact that I got a relaxer. However, the other women I work with get their hair done during the workday. Most go to the salon downstairs. It is so amazing. They go downstairs at 10:00am and by 10:30am they are back upstairs looking fabulous. I didn’t know 30 minutes and hair could be used in the same sentence!

Well, I looked at the color of my skin and compared it to my co-workers. I realized I was much darker than them. Is this a racist thing? Is there a conspiracy going around to keep black women in one area for an extended amount of time? Did black men plan this is order to have extended peace and quiet at home?  I just don’t know the answer.  I asked some of my friends their thoughts.  Some said they think black beauty salons take so long because folks are gossiping and you go in knowing you’ll be there all day.  Some said it’s the speed of the stylist.  Others think it’s the price you pay for your service and that if you’re willing to pay more, your wait will be less.  I still had no clear answer so I asked my stylist her thoughts.  She said that part of the reason it takes us longer is that our hair texture is different than our counterparts so most styles require us to sit under the dryer.  She also said our counterparts can also take lengthy times getting a new do if they get color or some other process and usually when they are in/out quickly it’s because of a quick hair cut or style. What she said made sense, but I don’t know. I mean, I love my hair when I leave the salon and my stylist keeps it in great condition.  But is there a solution to the length of time.  Enlighten me, please!!!

M.Y. February 2008

In Her Shoes

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In Her Shoes

Feb08-4Late last summer, I received a phone call from The Center For Women and Families.  They wanted to honor my mother at their annual “Women of Distinction” banquet and wanted me to accept the award in her memory.  I instantly agreed.  For the next several months I collected various artifacts, pictures and footage of my mother for the video they would compose.  At times it was stressful to think about what she would have wanted said/shown about her for the award.

I didn’t honestly realize the magnitude of the award until a couple of weeks before the presentation.  In the 20 years of the award, my mother was the first woman to be honored posthumously.  If only it were that simple. With talks of her and the wonderful contributions she gave to our society, ALSO came this talk about this fantastic daughter that she has who is following in her footsteps and giving back to the community in her own ways.  During those weeks, with each mention of my mother’s award came words about me and the similar characteristics she and I share.

My uncle drove down from Michigan to be my official escort for the program. I knew I in some way wanted to physically represent my mother at the banquet.  So, I put on a pair of her gold shoes and matched it with her gold earrings.  I was literally in her shoes.  If you know me, you know I’m not one to easily tear up and get emotional.  However, as I stood in front of the thousand seated guests and Denise Troutman-Vasquez made comments about my mother (and then me) I realized that this was the official passing of the torch between my mother and I.  It was an emotional and spiritual moment.  I came close to breaking down in route to the front, but I held my head high with the dignity and grace my mother always showed.

The banquet was beautiful and many of my mother’s closest friends were able to attend.  The video they made of my mother included an interview she recorded less than a month before she died.  I wasn’t sad while watching it, I smiled with pride.  I favorite moment of the video was the footage they showed of she and I doing the electric slide.  Her memory lives on and my life continues.  I would say that I have large shoes to fill, but actually they are just the right size!!!

M.Y. February 2008

Private Concert

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My Private Concert

Last weekend I went to visit my college roommate, DeShawn.  She’s currently an OB-GYN in the Baltimore area.  Several days before my expected arrival, she called asking if I wanted to go see Alvin Ailey dancers. OF COURSE!  We arrived at the infamous Kennedy Center and walked in with several hundred people.   As others asked the usher to help them to their seat, DeShawn just walked passed them and said, “I know where we’re going”.  We continued to walk closer and closer to the front of the theatre. As we got to the very front row, left center, DeShawn said these were our seats.  Are you serious?  I sat down and turned my back.  I saw four tiers of thousands of people.  I viewed the fabulous crystal chandelier piece that hung from the ceiling.  I thought of all the historic events that had taken place here.  Then I touched the stage.  It was right there in front of me. Wow!

As the curtain raised, I was mesmerized by what I saw.  There were beautiful African American dancers of all shades gracefully dancing across the stage.  Their costumes were delicately put together and I sat in awe as they swayed to the rhythm of the beat. I felt as if it were my own private concert. I was so close to the dancers that I could tell you the color of their eye shadow, hear their breathing patterns and describe the muscular lines as they changed movements.  As the music changed from jazz to negro spirituals I started to really ponder the magnitude of what I was viewing.  The Alvin Ailey performers represent some of the most talented African American dancers in the nation. Both historically and today, they have been able to show an appreciation for the arts that millions have flocked to see.  Their style and charisma were simply breath taking and their passion toward preserving African American traditions through song and dance will be a memory that will stay close to my heart.

M.Y. February 2008

Get In Shape Girl

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“Get In Shape Girl!”

I’ve always been a competitive person.  I started competing in gymnastics at the age of six. I had practice four times a week, every week. Once I entered middle/high school, that transitioned into cheerleading.  I also was active in track.  Unfortunately, many of the sports I grew up doing are not things that you can do into your adult life.  Unlike basketball, you can’t just throw on a leotard and go bust some flips at a local gym with other people your age.  (My students always thought I was a cool teacher because I would flip for them when they had good behavior).  Even track isn’t the same.  Distant runners have all the fun. There’s a marathon every other weekend. How many hurdles have you seen lined upon the street or how many adults recently have you heard yell, “Go! Stick!”? (I think I’m FloJo at Urban Active and do my own Olympic Trials for the 100).

I was able to perform again a couple of years ago when I danced for the Louisville Fire. That was a blast, I loved being in front of so many people, but I disliked the goofy appearances we were required to do.  So now in my 30s I wondered what else I could do to physically challenge myself.  My new boyfriend’s name is Jim (aka the GYM) and you can find me there on a regular basis.  He’s always been around, but recently we’ve started being more committed.  I love weight lifting, cardio, pilates and classes.  It’s all a thrill.  Over the years, people have asked me when I was going to consider competing in a figure/fitness contest and I always brushed it off – until now!

Officially starting last week, I have started training for a figure competition.  My life like I knew it has permanently changed.  Meals consist of eggs, chicken, oatmeal, vegetables and protein shakes. My refrigerator has never looked so beautiful!  My workouts are more focused.  It will be interesting to see the changes that may occur and if I’ll be ready for my first competition in a couple of weeks.  As I write right now, I’ve already endured my first injury (and it was painful) but like they say, “no pain, no gain”.  I won’t be able to write about it every week here in Onyx, but feel free to check out my blog on my progress – gofigureyeager.blogspot.com.

M.Y. February 2008

My First Love

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“My First Love”

Jan08-5My senior year of high school I went to UNC to visit. This guy took a group of us to observe a college class. He sent me a note asking which schools I had been accepted.  I thought nothing else about him.  Advance forward to my first week on campus my freshman year. The two large dorms, Morrison and Hinton James, had a party for the freshman. Same random guy was there as a counselor. After the party he volunteered to walk my friend and I back to the dorm. Sure, whatever.

Two days later I see him in the cafeteria, we lock eyes, and within hours become a couple. (Remember this is before I even started classes my freshman year.) Anthony and I stayed together for three years until he graduated. People often called us “The Happy Couple” because we were always together and also constantly smiling. He walked me to my classes and we always made sure our dorm rooms were placed next to each other. He became my best friend at UNC and I shared all of my hopes, dreams, experiences and fears with him. I was truly in love. But that love scared me at the age of 20. I thought about how college is the time you get to know various people, and he was the only man I ever met. I still had another year at Carolina so we broke up in 1997 and I decided to see what else was out there.

Anthony will tell you that I was the person he envisioned himself marrying. However while he was always ready to settle down, it wasn’t until about 6 years ago that I was honestly ready to consider marrying someone.  By then he had moved on with his life and now has a wife and two kids.  Recently we met for lunch in North Carolina. Although we’ve talked on the phone, this was our first time together alone since we broke up. I was nervous at first, but we had a blast. We spent three hours reliving the college days and both apologized for things done wrong.  When I asked the waitress to take our picture, she said “You all are such a great couple!”  (lol) I drove away with flashback memories of the strongest relationship I have been a part of.  I realized that he loved me for the person I was and will always be there to protect me. He helped me remember the genuine qualities I need to look for in my next potential mate/relationship and that all people come into your life for a reason.

Who would have known that while I was sitting in the back of a UNC classroom, planning what I’d wear to prom, that a guy would be put into my life that would show me what true love really is?!  I say this because you never know when the next “he/she” will be placed into your life.

Now the plug: MEN, we have many women here looking to meet someone like you.  Don’t deny yourself the opportunity to meet your possible future – she could be at Rapid Romance! Sign up today!

M.Y. January 2008

My American Idol

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“My American Idol”
Jan08-4My freshman year at UNC I was a cheerleader.  One of the teams I cheered for was women’s basketball.  The team was just returning off their 1994 NCAA Championship.  Although I’d never been a fan of women’s sports, I immediately became mesmerized by the talent of the women.  Tracey Reid, Marion Jones and senior Charlotte Smith (see left pic) led the team in a stellar season.  Carmichael Auditorium would be packed with fans and I would be anxious and excited to flip down the entire basketball court to pump up the crowd.

One of my favorite memories was on December 4, 1994. The Tar Heels were playing NC A&T.  It wasn’t expected to be a close game, but the athleticism of our girls was still supreme.  And then I saw it happen.  I was really there sitting in the front on the sideline.    I watched Ms. Charlotte dunk a basketball in a game!  This is the day that she became my ‘idol’.  I watched her throughout the season with style and grace.  Not only was she a talented athlete, but she was beautiful.  She showed me that being dark skinned is a sexy, soulful thing.  I watched gleefully as she accepted Player of the Year and then went on to play overseas and WNBA.

Jan08-4bBeing just a miniscule freshman I was often too scared to talk to her.  Last week I traveled back to Chapel Hill to watch a UNC women’s basketball game.  My cousin, senior Latoya Pringle (see right pic), currently is a 6’3 center for the team (obviously I didn’t get the height).  And guess who is one of the assistant coaches? Charlotte! I became that young giddy kid again who was nervous to even see her see me looking at her.  It brought back those memories for cheering for her over 13 years ago.  But would she take a picture with me?

I waited like a groupie until after the game with my family.  My cousin brought Charlotte out and said, “This is my cousin. She cheer–” Charlotte interrupted her and said, “I REMEMBER HER!” Hip hip hooray!! Fireworks went off in my head.  We took our picture (she ducked down so I wouldn’t feel midget status) and life was good.

M.Y.  January 2008