One Wish

Posted on by
Reply

One Wish

May10-1She’s the only one I ever knew.  The one person that believed in me when everyone else had doubts.  She was the person that felt I could do no wrong, and even when I did she still loved me unconditionally.  She let me know I was special, intelligent, gifted and beautiful.  And she loved to brag on my accomplishments.  She was proud to see me flourish and find my way.  And then May 23, 2001 came.  That’s the day my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer.  In addition to fighting the disease, my mother’s main worry was what would happen to me – her only child.

I didn’t know until years later, but my mother initially kept a journal of her battles with ovarian cancer.  She also talked about overcoming different obstacles.  And then one day, she stopped writing.  The same day she stopped writing in her journal, is the day I moved out of her house and into my own apartment.   I never knew that my move affected her.

For the five years she battled cancer our relationship blossomed.  I made sure I took one day each week to spend the night at her house.  As her health declined I stayed more nights.  As I saw her become more weak, yet still look elegant and a symbol of strength, I knew there were many questions I always wanted to know.  So, I had someone interview her and discuss things like how she met my father, why she chose our church and what advice she has to offer me.  I cherish that video.

My mother passed away on May 23, 2006.  I was at peace with her death because she and I had a special bond that still lives within me.  Since my mother’s death I have made it my mission to give back to the Louisville community in the same way my parents did.  If you knew my mother, she was definitely one of God’s angels sent to make a difference on everyone that came in her path.  And while I will never be Dr. Lillian Yeager, I will continue to strive and make my own personal mark.

This Mother’s Day I ask everyone to do one thing.  Make amends with the ones you love.  We can’t pick our relatives but we can definitely support them and let them know we care. So often we think so much about ourselves and hold grudges against people that have caused us harm.  Realize, though, that nobody is perfect and tomorrow isn’t promised.  Ask anyone that has lost a parent, sibling or child that they never made amends with.   It’s a feeling that can haunt you and one that you can’t reverse.  So this Mother’s Day, reach out to someone and tell them you love them.  Maybe you’ll call your brother that you haven’t talked to all year.  Why not send your childhood friend a text message just to say hello.  And even though you and your mother may fight like cats and dogs (or maybe your father was never there for you) – reach out and show you care.

M.Y.  May 2010

Fit For a King

Posted on by
Reply

Fit For a King

Apr10-4I remember as a child, that whenever I would make the trek with my family from Louisville to Lexington, I always wanted to drive the route that had the castle. I thought it was the most amazing creation. Who would have imagined that a castle would be in the middle of some horse parks?

The history said to be behind the castle is: Rex and Caroline Bogaert Martin got the idea for the castle during a vacation in Europe. The Martins initially had trouble finding suitable acreage for the new home, but finally purchased 53 acres along U.S. 60 and Pisgah Pike. Plans were drawn in 1968 and ground was broken the next year. But in 1975, while the castle was still under construction, the Martins divorced. Whether the castle’s progress had anything to do with the separation is part of its mystery. Divorce records give only an oblique reference to the castle acreage.

Tom Post recently purchased the castle and remodeled it into “Kentucky’s Premier Luxury Tourist Inn available for nightly accommodations, weddings, corporate events and personal occasions.” I was honored to be invited there for a fundraiser this month for the Home of the Innocents.

It was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. As a child I dreamed of being a princess who gets rescued by my prince in that castle. I had to see what was behind those walls. I just needed one sneak peak.

And here’s what I saw – beautiful chandeliers, fabulous artwork and “old skool” furniture that looked like medieval time. It reminded me of a fancy hotel. It also reminded me of when you visited a nice store as a child and your parents said not to touch anything.

But here’s the thing – the inside didn’t mesmerize me. I wasn’t trying to plan my honeymoon there. Don’t get me wrong, it was nice inside. I would recommend others to visit. However, it’s the outside of the castle that gave me something to daydream about on an otherwise boring drive. It’s the outside of the castle that contains all the magic. While my prince was not found inside the castle, my fantasies remain on the outside.

M.Y. April 2010

Sense-us

Posted on by
Reply

Sense-us

Apr10-3So what’s the big deal? You get this form in the mail. Answer some simple questions. Mail it back in. And that’s it. They don’t do a background check. Nobody runs your credit score. They don’t even care if your underwear has holes. The 2010 Census forms are out and each of us need to participate.

Here are the facts: The 2010 Census will help communities receive more than $400 billion in federal funds each year for things like:
*Hospitals
*Join training centers
*Schools
*Senior centers
*Bridges, tunnels and other public works projects
*Emergency services

But here’s what some of us fail to realize – if you don’t turn back in the form, you community could miss out on receiving funding because the number of citizens in that area won’t be accurately counted. If half of Newburg didn’t return their forms and then the community made a fuss for a job training center – what proof would the residents have to show the center be built there and not on 45th St?

This is the most simple form to fill out. 10 simple questions:
*Name
*Sex
*Age
*Date of birth
*Hispanic origin
*Race
*Household relationship
*If you own or rent
That’s it. The census DOES NOT ask about the legal status of respondents or their Social Security numbers. It doesn’t ask your phone number or your place of employment. Nada. Real simple.

African-Americans have generally been known as the largest minority group in the US. But guess what? Times are changing. We are becoming a more diverse country.  If we don’t show that the African-American population is still a viable and important group, why would we expect funding to still come to existing programs/organizations instead of being shifted to other populations?

There only needs to be one form filled out per household (not per person). Fill it out during a commercial break and you’ll be done. All forms need to be mailed by this Saturday (4/17) at midnight – you can stop by the post office on your way to Thunder.

And here’s a good reason to go on and mail in your form now – the Census folks will leave you alone! If you don’t turn in your form, the Census foot patrol will be knocking on your door between April and July. (In case you’re not home the first time they visit, don’t worry, they’ll be back!). But if you just fill out that basic form and mail it in now, your life can go on and you can help your community get the needed resources.

If you lost the form (or just threw it away) you can call the Telephone Questionnaire Assistance Center at 1-866-872-6868. They are open 8am-9pm every day.

I mean really, some of y’all give out more information to the strange (but fine) guy/girl you meet out in the club. He knows your name, your baby’s daddy name, where you work, your address and what time you’ll be home the next day.

10 questions. Once every 10 years.  If you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for your community!

M.Y. April 2010

Hit Me

Posted on by
Reply

“Hit Me”

Apr10-2Recently I had two visions.  With both of them, I thought nothing of it and contributed them to either gas, hunger, or boredom.  For weeks we had been trying to get tickets to a sold-out event.  One ticket would come available, but not two together.  While at work, this feeling came over me that said ‘the tickets are yours’.  Twenty minutes later I received a call saying two tickets were now available.  Coincidence? Maybe.

The other feeling told me that I was going to be in a car accident over the weekend.  I had a trip to Indianapolis planned.  I knew I wouldn’t cancel my trip, so I just drove extra carefully there.  I didn’t use my cell phone.  When it started to rain, I kept both hands on the steering wheel and slowed down.  It was a relief to make it safely to Indy.  On Sunday morning it was raining really hard as we drove to church and I thought maybe the accident would happen then.  It didn’t.

So, I started my trek back to Louisville.  The rain had stopped.  Traffic was fine.  As I drove through Jeffersonville I thought about how my mind was probably just playing tricks on me.  I was thankful to see the Louisville skyline and thinking about what I needed from the grocery – and then it happened!

I was in the left most lane on 1-65 in Jeffersonville and a white truck swerves into my lane.  As the truck hit my suv, I honk my horn and keep both hands on the steering wheel so that I avoid the cement divider immediately to my left.  I can remember upon impact thinking “this is the accident you were thinking about”.  I slowed down on the left side of the expressway waiting for the white truck to also pull over.

But he didn’t!  I watched him drive off.  So now I had two options. 1 – stop and call 911.  2- follow the jerk and get his license.  Anyone that knows me, knows that I pulled off to catch him!

As I am crossing the bridge into Louisville my entire bumper flies off my suv.  Cars begin honking.  I keep going because I am almost at a point where I can read the license plate.  A BMW pulls up next to me and rolls down his window. I was hoping he’d give me the license plate number.  Instead he says “did you know your bumper is back there?”  Gee, I wondered what that big piece of metal the same color of my car was flying through the air!  I’m pissed that he’s slowing me down and keep driving without saying a thing.

Long story shorter, I did get the license plate number and gave it to the 911 operator.  The tag registered to red car so they don’t know if the plates were stolen.  So, it’s classified as a hit-and-run accident and all the damages are on me.  While I could complain about having to pay the damages, you will not hear one single complaint from me.

As I arrived home, I looked at the courier-journal online.  They wrote about four accidents that weekend with fatalities.  Yeah Lexie (my car) has some cosmetic damage that needs to be fixed.  Yes, I have to pay the deductible.  But guess what?  I was able to walk away from the accident.  I was able to drive my car home.  I was able to sleep peacefully that night.  The other driver will have to live with the guilt of not being man enough to stop.  But I’m gonna keep on, keeping on…..
(but if anyone sees a Carolina blue bumper with a UNC license plate on the front, will you please take off the plate and return it to me!?)

M.Y. April 2010

Friendly Update

Posted on by
Reply

Friendly Update

Apr10-1Thanks for all of the wonderful input to my recent situation (see below to read them all).  As mentioned last week, I had already acted on my decision, but was just curious to others’ perspectives.

So – here’s what happened.  “New guy” and I went out to eat and came back to my house afterwards.  As I pull in the driveway, there is a limo sitting in my driveway.  I do a double take (because I know I went to prom over 15 years ago) and out steps “guy” in a tuxedo.  My mouth drops.  As my mouth drops, “guy” drops to one knee and “new guy” says “Oh he!! no!”…… (April Fools Day!  The day falls on a Thursday once every 7 years – I had to do it! LOL!)

So here’s what really happened.  The day I received the last set of flowers, I really had to reflect on all that was happening.  Here I had a genuine friend that now feels he cares the absolute world for me. It was hard, because for 4 days he’d just be my friend and say he understood my situation, then out of the blue he’d pop out some emotion. (it was like Groundhog’s Day every week).  On the other hand, with “new guy” I met an amazing man that brings a smile to my face whenever I see him.  I saw “guy” twice this year and felt no strong connection.  I realized that “guy” came from a family and amazing lifestyle that people would dream about.  “New guy” had none of those things, but what he could offer was a heart of gold.  So, when I erased all the material things and just looked at the man – I knew exactly what I needed to do.

That night I emailed “guy” the following: “I find myself in a difficult situation.  I really appreciate your friendship and thought that with my new situation that we could remain friends.  But with every day that we are friends, there also comes the situations of you expressing your thoughts for me.  I understand that you care about me.  I knew that the first time you mentioned it. I fully understand that you think that you and I should be together and that you are the best person for me.  But, I am dating someone and only want to see where my situation with him can lead.  I want to be married and start a family.  It would be an amazing thing.  I know that if I want to be in a successful relationship, I have to be able to dedicate myself fully to someone regardless of possible distractions.  So I ask that you ‘halt’ the conversations/actions about ‘us’.  I truly appreciate your friendship, but I can’t continue to be your friend on these terms.”

“Guy” emailed back “I understand and will respect your wishes. You deserve nothing but the best and I’m sure your goals will be achieved.” and that was that.  He stopped calling and although he has sent an occasional friendly text or email, he has given me my space.

“New guy” knew about the entire situation from the very first day it started.  He always said he knew he couldn’t offer me the things that “guy” had, but he never felt that “guy” was any type of competition because he understood the connection we had.  Since omitting the distraction, my relationship with “new guy” has grown.  It’s amazing how much more can happen in life when we eliminate distractions (no matter how large or small they are).  So often, we look for the person with the qualities that look good ‘on paper’.  In the process we skip over many gems that can offer special qualities from ‘within’.  Life is all about taking a chance. You never know the outcome, but usually learn a lot about yourself in the process.  I also learned that although I would love to control the timing of everything that happens in my life, sometimes I just need to let God do his thing and embrace all the blessings put in front of me.

M.Y. April 2010

Friendly Love?

Posted on by
Reply

Friendly love?

Mar10-4We met two years ago in September 2008 (I’ll call him ‘Guy’). He lives up north.  He liked me.  I liked him.  We got along great.  We took a trip together to a beach.  We survived a hurricane.  A week later he calls.  His ex is moving back to his area and they are going to try to work things out.  My response – Good luck buddy, don’t call me in a month when it doesn’t work out.

He calls. He calls again.  I have no interest in helping him have his cake and eat it to.  I say no phone calls, we can be friends by text or email.  His relationship ends (surprise, surprise).  Months go by.  Christmas arrives.  Tis the season so I say he can call and wish me a happy holiday.  We become friends.  February 2009, he invites me to a Celtics/Lakers game.  Good game.  Good time.  Nothing major chemistry wise.  April arrives.  He expresses an interest.  My response – Sorry buddy, I just got in a relationship.  You had your chance last year.

I stay in the relationship all year.  He and I stay friends.  Boyfriend and I break up end of last year.  He knows this but makes no moves.  I see him end of January 2010 when I go to Boston for a fitness camp.  We have a friendly dinner. No emotions expressed.  I meet a new guy.  Valentine’s Day this year comes around.  New guy and I have an amazing date. Excited to see where it can lead.  ‘Guy’ calls five times that day.  I call back after my date.  ‘Guy’ wants to visit here.  My response – ‘Sorry buddy, I just started dating someone’

‘Guy’ says that I need to give he and I am real chance and he regrets letting me go two years ago. I say ‘your loss’ and keep dating new guy.  ‘Guy’ send flowers to my work that say ‘Just Because’.  I tell guy that I only believe in dating one person at a time and want to see where my current situation could lead.  ‘Guy’ continues to express his emotions.  ‘Guy’ send flowers to me at my competition.  ‘Guy’ flies in to watch my competition. Guy tell me I am the person he is supposed to spend the rest of his life with.  I keep dating new guy.

New guy and I take a mini-food vacation to catch up on everything I missed eating.  ‘Guy’ knows I’m out of town with new guy.  I return to work (this is just last week).  Co-worker walks in and delivers two dozen red roses and an original love poem. The first letter of each poem even spells out my name.  Now I’m put in a very awkward position.
So here are my questions for you – 1. Is it acceptable for someone to make that strong of moves on you even when they know you are dating someone?  2. Should I give ‘Guy’ a chance since he finally came to his senses?  3. Should I stay with new guy since he appreciated me from the beginning?  4. Can I still be friends with this person once he has expressed such strong emotions?  5. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason and if ‘Guy’ and I were meant to be together then timing would have made it happen?  6. What do you say to ‘Guy’ and new guy?

Please email your thoughts, I’ll share what I did next week!

M.Y.  March 2010