In Those Jeans w/ Belly & Booty!

Sweatpants and workout pants are my standard staple for daily clothes – and that’s a great thing.  But, everyone once in a awhile, I have to put other clothes on to hangout with friends.  Most ladies know the hatred that comes with purchasing and just putting on jeans in general.  It rarely, if ever, is a fun experience.  It especially isn’t fun when your booty and your tummy are both growing.  Operation “Let a Button Out” is officially in full effect!!

Gripes of a Petite Woman of Color

“Gripes of a petite woman of color”


Have you ever noticed that while people are hesitant to call a woman “fat” to her face, they waste no time saying “You are so skinny, you make me sick”!  Do people think that is a compliment?  Not everyone has lived in the shoes of a petite woman of color so I’m here to share some insight and difficulties.

Automatic  toilets:  Imagine this – you’ve sat at your desk for a couple of minutes shaking your leg trying to hold it.  Finally you get up, sprint to the bathroom and feel relieved to let it all out.  You think to yourself “Man, I shouldn’t have had all of that water this morning!”  As the stream floods from your body, you shift your weight just a bit to reach for the toilet paper.  And then it happens – FLUSH!!!!!    You’re not done with the act, however, Mr. Automatic Toilet no longer feels your weight.  You sit up a little higher (while still squatting) in hopes that you don’t get splashed.  It sucks, it really does!

Nude Colored Hose:  whoever determined the exact shade of nude has never looked at my legs.  I love to wear dresses and when winter hits, a nice pair of hose make the thought of wearing a dress a little more bearable.  It’s a battle to walk into the hosiery aisle to find the perfect pair.  You don’t want to pay too much, because they are just hose.  But, you don’t want to pay too little because that run up your leg can make a great outfit look hideous.  I glance at the options: nude, suntan, jet brown, taupe and coffee.  A man has never approached me and said “Hey, sexy coffee” or “you sure look nice and taupe today” so I STILL don’t know what shade is best for me!

Blue jeans:  My mother blessed with a round backside. In high school it was called a bubble butt.  Since then it has also been called other things that may not be appropriate for all readers.  While it does great for a dress or a cute pair of shorts, jeans are the enemy.  I generally wear a size 2 (shut up) in clothing.  The jeans in that size are made for modeling looking chics that are straight up and down.  When I try a pair on, they usually get up to the middle of my thigh – and stop.  When I go a size larger, I have the big water spout poking out at the back top of the jeans.  I think jeans are a lost cause for me.   I’ll remain a part of the dress squad for as long as possible.

Rings:  It’s so refreshing to be walking through a store and in the window sits the perfect ring.  It’s calling out your name “buy me, love me, take me home forever”.  Its instant love when I look at the sign above it that reads “SALE”!  Jackpot!   I float on air through the store anxious to see it on my finger.  They tell me it’s a size 6 (most rings in the store are that size).  I ask if it can be sized.   ”Of course!” she says.   I just know this is my shining moment in jewelry history.  I tell them I wear a size 4 ¼ and the salesperson crinkles her nose.  “Hold on a sec,” she says.  She walks to the back of the store, with my ring, whispering to the jewelry expert guy.  Upon return, the smile has disappeared.  “We are so sorry, mam.  Unfortunately this ring can’t be sized down that small because the side stones will come loose on the setting.”  My heart is broken.  I walk up and down the aisle pointing to other possible substitutions.   ”Nope”, “No”, “Not that one”, “Sorry”  So like the little kid in the candy store with no money in his pockets, I walk out of the store with nothing but memories that could have been.

M.Y.  August 2008

A Drop in Self Esteem

“A Drop In Self Esteem”

Tis the season to be jolly.  Tis the season to be fully of joy.  Tis should be the season to be merry, gay and full of cheer.  BUT NO!!!  Not in Yeager’s neighborhood.  I made a huge mistake.  One that I’ve made before, yet I said I would never do again. I’ve written about this subject before and thought I could avoid it.  But, I did it anyway! I went shopping for a new pair of jeans!

If anyone ever, ever, ever needs something to lower their spirits – just travel to any store and look at the rack of jeans.  Uggg!  I decide to start with House of Denim.  It’s in the name, that’s all they sell.  Surely something has to fit.  I walk in and say “I hate jeans.  I love dresses.  I need a pair of jeans.  HELP”!  The lady laughs and says most people say similar things.  She asks my size.   I have no clue.  Jeans don’t come in simple sizes like a 2,4,6.  Instead they are 25, 27, 32.  Then there’s the cut of jeans.  Huh?  I want the style that fits my body perfectly!  Is that too much to ask?

She magically decides that I am a size 27 and picks out various styles of jeans.  I am sent into the dressing room with 10 different pair.  I become excited because I just know that the ‘right size jeans fairy’ has blessed me with the perfect pair.  So, we start with pair one.  The cut is cute, the color is nice.  My five toes slip through the leg hole, I slide the jeans up my thigh and – stop.  They don’t go any higher.  (straight leg jeans don’t like muscular thighs).  I try on three more pair to only have the same problem.  Why! Why! Why!

With each pair that you try on, you get more and more frustrated.  How does Beyonce rock the cute tight jeans and work it out on the stage and in her videos?  What about all the nice jeans I see out at the parties?  Why not me?  I sigh internally and hope the lady behind the counter doesn’t come and ask how I’m doing.  (the response at this time wouldn’t be pleasant).

On to the next round.  Now, these jeans fit over my thighs and on top of my butt.  However, we now have a major problem.  The back of the jeans stick WAY OUT.  It actually looks like a pitcher.  In my mind I sang, “I’m a little tea pot short and stout.  Here is my handle, here is my spout.  When I get all steamed up hear me shout.  Tip me over and pour me out”.  I didn’t know how to solve this problem so I walked out into the store and pleaded for guidance.  “Ah, yes” she said, “That’s what happens when you have such a small waist.”   She continues to tell me that she doesn’t want to go up a size since the waist would just get larger.  In other words, ‘best of luck to ya sista!’

I visited several more store only to have about the same about of luck.  I have yet to see the fun in searching for the perfect pair of jeans.  I’m not sure if they exist.  I did eventually end up getting a pair of jeans.  The thing that made them even more sexy was that they rang up cheaper than the label read (yeah baby!).  However, I’m not completely sold on them and think my heart is genuinely dedicated to dresses.

I think jeans may be like men.  There are a lot of them around.  Some look good, but aren’t good for you.  Some may be good for you, but are just too smothering.  Some may seem like a great bargain, but quickly fall apart.  Others are just plain ridiculous.  And just like men, every once in awhile you’ll find that perfect one – that you cherish and don’t want to let go!

M.Y.  December 2008