Category Archives: M.Y. Words

Ebony-n-Ivory Accepted Here?

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Ebony-n-Ivory Accepted Here?

Mar09-1People everywhere celebrated the election of Barack Obama.  Others felt it was a terrible day and that they could never respect a black man as their president.  If we look at Obama’s background, we see that he is more diverse than many of us.  And while we all say we are accepting of it (to the general public he looks like an average black man), are all of us really?

Barack was born to a Caucasian American female and an African male from Kenya.  When we say someone is African-American, he definitely fits that description.  Outwardly it seems like the minority community is more accepting of interracial relationships, but are we?  A couple of weeks ago I received an email from an OnyxLouisville reader.  She attended a party and was very troubled by her experience.  I told her I would write about her situation and get the input of others.  Please help her out.

Her Initial email:
I just wanted to address some things I have noticed lately.  I was born and raised in Louisville and throughout the last couple years I have been so frustrated with how our “grown up” nightlife scene is. My frustration stems from the ignorance I have seen. I have many friends that love the music but will not step foot into parties such as the ones at Raw and the Winery based on the simple fact of the pettiness they have experienced. I thought Louisville would be more diverse by now, but wow I am shocked.  Why does my race have to be addressed when I walk in the doors? I understand I am Caucasian but why must the ladies always point that out with side comments and harsh looks? I usually just laugh at it, but now I am really trying to come to terms with why this is still going on. I hate that my city has to be so ignorant. What is up with that?

Her follow up email where I asked specifically what happened:
Aside from the deer in headlights looks I receive (and trust me I am not just being paranoid), as a woman I am sure you can relate. Between 5 to 6 females made it a point to approach my boyfriend and ask him why he was here with a “white chick”, much to their dismay we have been together for 3 years but I am a pretty private person so it caught me and him off guard. He said he had females coming up to him that he barely knew making comments. Disrespectful is an understatement. Also, my guy was introducing me to someone and she tried to pull him aside and ask if he was really with a “white girl” and then he went on to introduce me out of respect and she said “Is this a new one”? Like I was a new pair of stilettos! She later apologized to him saying she didn’t recognize me because my hair was up when she saw me last time. Do you think this is just a female thing or a race thing? I feel like it is a little of both and it’s such a tragedy.

So readers, what is your response?  Are you accepting of interracial couples?  Are ‘urban professional’ parties supposed to have an all black crowd?  When you disagree with someone’s choices in a mate, do you have a right to vocalize it to the person?  Would you still love Michelle Obama if she had blonde hair and blue eyes?  Is love really color blind? What would you do if you were in her situation?

M.Y. March 2009

I Heart My Neuro

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I Heart My Neuro!

(below photo is my MRI)
Feb09-4

I am messed up!  A normal person’s neck curves to the back, mine curves to the front.  This has given me unlimited visits to the chiropractor.  Although sometimes uncomfortable, it’s always been manageable – until recently.
On January 26, the day before the Ice Storm, my neck became sore.  I had spent the entire weekend moving furniture, painting and organizing.  I thought nothing of it and knew my chiro would fix it as soon as I could shovel my driveway and make it to his office.  After two visits, I was still in some pain.  No problem, I thought to myself, I’ll just go to the physical therapist and she will make it better.  After a week with her it was still not getting better.  Let me describe the pain – when I wake up each morning and am lying on my back, I try to sit up, but can’t.  Everything moves (my arms, my legs) but not my neck.   I must roll over onto my shoulder, then slowly turn my neck to that side to push myself up.  Yeah, that type of pain!  I continued to work out during these two weeks because I have a major fitness competition on March 5.
After returning from Boston, I decided to go to the gym and throw my entire routine with all of my skills.  Although I felt some pain, I was still able to get through it.  But that night, my neck completely cramped up.  I cried because it was so uncomfortable.  It hurt to do anything.  In my words, “life hurt”.  My friends all suggested I go to the Emergency Room.  After some resistance, I went around midnight and it was completely a wasted visit.  My doctor gave me some type of shot in both arms and my buttock for pain, but I guess the medicine never reached my neck.  I woke up around 3am to use the bathroom.  I was unable to walk and felt completely nauseated.  I tried to crawl back to the bed, but couldn’t.  So, I just stayed in the crawl position with my face resting on the floor and cried some more in pain.  Without lifting my neck more than 5 inches from the ground, I crawled the rest of the way back into bed and prayed to God to be released of this agony.
That morning (Monday), the physical therapist sent me to my regular doc and he suggested I get an MRI.  They fit me in that night.  At first the MRI women didn’t want to give me an MRI because they thought I was in too much pain and wouldn’t be able to make it through.  I told them I was fine once I was in one position, I just needed help with the transition.
On Friday (2/13), I was called with the MRI results.  I was told that I have a central disk protrusion in the C-3/C-4 area, moderate canal narrowing and central chord flattening.  My doctor said I was being referred to a Neurosurgeon.  A what?  Isn’t that a brain doctor?  Isn’t that what McDreamy does on Grey’s Anatomy?  Yeah, that’s a little serious!  The major thing about all of this is that I am supposed to compete in a couple of weeks and didn’t know what I should do.
That weekend (Valentine’s  Day) I went to the gym for the first time in over a week.  On Sunday, my neck was stiff again so I decided not to compete in the division where I have to perform a routine.  I emailed my trainer to tell her.  She was supportive.  Monday morning I called the promoters to see if I could switch divisions.  He said yes.  I told him I’d let him know for sure after I saw my doctor on Wednesday.
Monday (2/16) I also visited my physical therapist.  She worked wonders because my neck felt better.  I went home and threw my routine in my living room.  I knew I wouldn’t do it at the competition, but it felt good to at least be able to do it.  I emailed my trainer Julie to tell her it felt good and that I’d mail in my application for the other division in the morning.  She emailed back on Tuesday morning and said that I should consider still doing fitness.  What?  I’m going to see a Neuro the next day and you want me to do fitness?  This is crazy, I thought.  So, I decided to once again hold off on my decision and leave it all in the hands of my Neuro.
Wednesday (2/18) was the visit to the Neuro.  He looked at my MRI and pretty much said I will be messed up for life.  My reverse curve means that forward movements could bring me pain.  The bulging disk means that backwards movements could cause pain. However, because it is only intense pain at most once a year and physical therapy improves it, he told me to enjoy life.  Then I asked him the million dollar question – “See, I have this competition in just two weeks where I will be flipping on stage.  I open with three standing back tucks, can I still enter?”  And Mr. Neuro, my neuro said “Go For It”.  I heart my Neuro!  I heart my Neuro!  I heart my Neuro!
I floated out of the office with so much excitement!  I am now focused. I am only two weeks away from my biggest competition thus far.  It’s called The Arnold and it is an international competition where Arnold Schwarzenegger gives awards to the winners.  The women in my division are from places like Canada, Belgium, France, Russia – and Louisville, KY.  Although behind in my training, I know that I was meant to compete here. I know I was meant to represent the minority women of the world!
Here I am a week out from the show with the ability to lift, tumble and dance.  Less than two weeks ago I was stranded on the bathroom floor.  If I hadn’t received the email from Julie I would have switched divisions.  Her email made me stall.  And, although my Neurosurgeon delivered the wonderful news, I know there was someone much higher up that gave me the blessing.  God is so good, so good, SO GOOD!

M.Y. February 2009

What Really Matter

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What Really Matters

Feb09-3My friend Ty invited me to a Boston Celtics home game.  Any game, my choice.  I checked the schedule and the Lakers game ended up being my preference.  So, I flew up north to Boston for my first visit to the MA and CT area.  And boy was it cold. After leaving the airport, we headed to Ray Allen’s house (he and Ty are good friends).  Ray had already headed to the game, but I was able to meet Ray’s wife Shannon (who is expecting) and their other two young sons ‘Walkie’ and ‘Ray Ray’.  Shannon was very nice and the kids were as cute as can be.

We walked through the cold to get to the game and every seat was full.  We took our seats in the lower level and the game was action packed.  Like always, Kobe brought his “A game”. The game went into overtime and the crowd stayed on their feet.  As the clock ticks at the end of the game with the Lakers up by one, Ray has the ball. This is it, baby.  All or nothing.  As the last second runs out, it looks like Ray is fouled.  The crowd waits for the call – nothing.  Game over, Lakers win.  Suddenly everyone in the Garden is booing, but there is nothing that can be done.

Ty was pretty bummed that the Celtics lost.  We went down and stood next to Ray’s business manager. He said, “It’s just one loss. It’s not the end of the world.  Think about their record overall”.  We continued walking to the area where all the players wait for their families.  There were cute little kids running around everywhere.  I met Rajon’s girlfriend and enjoyed talking to her about Louisville.  I wondered how upset Ray would be when he came out.

Out he emerges.  He takes about 10 steps out, stops and squats down.  Up run his sons at full speed and they just embrace each other for an extended amount of time.  It was a father/sons moment and nothing else around seemed to matter.  It was then that I noticed that it really wasn’t about winning or losing.  At the end of the night, it was about being surrounded by those you love.

We all walked out together.  Shannon and crew headed home, Ray headed to the airport to fly to the next game.  I needed a happy moment too, so Ty ever so greatly said “Hey Ray, Michelle came up here all the way from Louisville to watch the game.  Would you sign this jersey for her?”  He looked VERY exhausted and like the only thing he wanted to do was get in his car and go.  But, I flashed that Yeager smile and said, “I’d really appreciate it!”  And with the stroke of a pen, it was done!  Thanks Ray!  Thanks Ty!

M.Y. February

Room for Improvement

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Room For Improvement

Feb09-2When I was a teacher, we would receive a summative evaluation every 1-3 years.  You could receive markings like “Consistently Meets”, “Adequate Meets”, “Inconsistently Meets” and “Does Not Meet”.  I always received great markings.  One of my principals told the entire staff that she never gives all “consistently meets” because she always believes that there is room for improvement. Regardless of how wonderful our classroom and teaching ability may be, we should always strive to motivate ourselves to do more.  That made complete sense to me!

I was excited to recently celebrate one year of my figure/fitness training.  In order to work with my trainer in Cincy last year, I had to first email her my photo so she could see if I had ‘potential’.  I thought my photo was decent.  My elbows were a little pointy (I call them my daggers), but I thought I fit into the two piece well.

So, here it is a year later and I take another photo.  Same bathing suit.  Stood in the same place in my house to take the pic.  When I put the two photos next to each other I was amazed at the differences.  Although my weight was about the same, I had gained a lot of muscle.  My butt (which I’ve discussed previously) last year was a little droopy on the sides.  Squats perked it up a bit.  My legs are fuller and my shoulders more rounded.

Seeing both photos reminded me that there really is always room from improvement.  I was content with the 2008 Yeager model, but further enjoy version 2.0.  So often the changes in our life our small.  I look in a mirror everyday, so I don’t really feel like I am making changes in my physique.  However, once you’re able to take a step back and look at the big pictures, you’ll see that change is coming.  Small steps can make a tremendous difference.  If you’ve been trying to accomplish something for some time, stop and think about where you are now with your goal.  Now, think about where you were when you first started.  Although you may not be at your final step in the process, I think you’d be amazed at how far you’ve come thus far.

M.Y.  February 2009

I’m Not Complaining/I’m Just Saying

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I’m Not Complaining/I’m Just Saying!

Jan09-5* I lost all of my Insight services on Wednesday morning (no cable, internet or phone).  However, I still had power.  When I called Insight to see how long it may be out, I was told that their priority was to first go to the people that didn’t have power.  My question – what can someone without power do with cable?
*Everyone called into work last week saying they couldn’t make it in because of the bad weather – so why was the UL basketball game a packed house?  Really!?

I’m Not Complaining/I’m Just Saying!
*Everyone talked about rushing to the grocery store to get bread and milk.  Why are these two items such necessities?  If you didn’t use bread on a regular, what purpose does it serve in the snow?  Same things with milk – wouldn’t water serve you better in a potential power outage?
*My neck was killing me from shoveling snow and moving furniture.  However, I was unable to get a chiro appointment right away.  I needed some temporary relief so I used a battery operated device to massage it. (Imagine that visual!)

I’m Not Complaining/I’m Just Saying!
*Without cable, I watched DVDs.  In the movie ‘Coming to America’ Arsenio Hall plays a pastor that hosts Black Awareness Week.  Why does he praise the Lord and then get hot and bothered by the swimsuit pageant contestants all in the same breathe?  Then after a little more worshipping, he introduces the band ‘Sexual Chocolate’.  Something just isn’t right!
*I woke up in the middle of the night and noticed I had a missed call at 11:20pm.  I looked at the clock and it said it was 12:00.  I went on and called him back.  He answered sounding half sleep and asked if I were okay.  I said I was just returning his call.  He said he called earlier when he left work.   Still unsure of why he sounded odd, I rolled over and looked at another clock.  This clock said 2:30am.  (I originally looked at the clock on the Insight DVR box that had read 12:00 for the past three days).  I quickly apologized and said I’d call him back at a more reasonable hour!

I’m Not Complaining/I’m Just Saying!
*When it’s 2:30am, you’re hungry and you’re in training with limited options for food, egg whites are a good option.  However, DON’T crack the entire egg on your stovetop instead of in the skillet.  It causes a horrible smell!
*Also in ‘Coming To America’, Soul Glo is a sponsor of the Black Awareness Week.  Why didn’t pastor Arsenio take a couple of free sprays from one of the sample bottles?  His curl was screaming out ‘FEED ME!’

M.Y. February 2009

Love My Wife

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Love My Wife?

Jan09-5I went to a conference several years ago and met a single guy.  We both loved sports and had good conversation. One night we hung out, he made sexual advances that I wasn’t interested in participating.  I said it was time for me to go and walked away.  Many men do these things, but I thought he was different – he was a priest.

The next year I went to the same conference and worked registration.  He arrived in the line.  This time he wore a wedding ring.  I thought ‘Congratulations, he met someone recently and settled down’ to myself.  That night he led the youth service – no ring.  Hmmm…  Later that night he asked me if he could borrow some soap (likely line).  I told him I had the same soap as everyone else in attendance.  I asked him where his wedding ring went.  He denied that he was wearing one and said he wasn’t married.

Several days later, we went for a walk and he asked the type of car I drove.  I said a Toyota Corolla.  He said a Dodge Caravan.  Hold on – isn’t that a minivan?  So, I asked if he were truly married.  He said yes. This priest had been married for 13 years and they had two children.   What!?  He tried to justify why he tried to come across as single to me and hide his reality.  To me, there was no acceptable reason.

I became baffled as to how to handle the situation.  There’s not much I can do when a man tries to cheat on his wife, but when it’s a priest, that’s a little more extreme.  I confidentially talked with a woman that was over the conference.  She was appalled.  She confronted him about it (with me there).  With his wedding ring on, he denied everything and said that I was the one that came on to him.  I walked out of the room feeling hurt and further betrayed.  After I left he admitted everything to her.

I was given the option of reporting the situation to the religious powers that be.  I went home and prayed on what to do.  He emailed me everyday asking for forgiveness and acknowledged that his life was in my hands.  I decided to leave the situation in the past and prayed that he would change his ways.  I have not heard from him since.

I write this because I see these same situations here in Louisville.  Men (and women) that we all know are married are finding love(?) in others.  Some are pretty prominent in the community.  It amazes me that these people take their ‘other lover’ out to very public places.  Often the wife knows, and knows that everyone else knows, yet chooses to stay in the relationship.  Now, I’m not married, so I can’t cast judgment as to why the women stay.  But, I am so curious as to why the men stray and why the single woman allows the married man in her life.  Of all the cheaters I know, I have never talked to the other spouse about it.  I guess I feel that it is not my place.  However, I wonder if my silence makes it seem that I feel the situation is acceptable.

Love is tricky and I know not to mess in grown folks business.  But, I can do my part and choose not to participate in that ‘fake love’ d.r.a.m.a.!

M.Y.  January 2009