Friendly Update

Friendly Update

Apr10-1Thanks for all of the wonderful input to my recent situation (see below to read them all).  As mentioned last week, I had already acted on my decision, but was just curious to others’ perspectives.

So – here’s what happened.  “New guy” and I went out to eat and came back to my house afterwards.  As I pull in the driveway, there is a limo sitting in my driveway.  I do a double take (because I know I went to prom over 15 years ago) and out steps “guy” in a tuxedo.  My mouth drops.  As my mouth drops, “guy” drops to one knee and “new guy” says “Oh he!! no!”…… (April Fools Day!  The day falls on a Thursday once every 7 years – I had to do it! LOL!)

So here’s what really happened.  The day I received the last set of flowers, I really had to reflect on all that was happening.  Here I had a genuine friend that now feels he cares the absolute world for me. It was hard, because for 4 days he’d just be my friend and say he understood my situation, then out of the blue he’d pop out some emotion. (it was like Groundhog’s Day every week).  On the other hand, with “new guy” I met an amazing man that brings a smile to my face whenever I see him.  I saw “guy” twice this year and felt no strong connection.  I realized that “guy” came from a family and amazing lifestyle that people would dream about.  “New guy” had none of those things, but what he could offer was a heart of gold.  So, when I erased all the material things and just looked at the man – I knew exactly what I needed to do.

That night I emailed “guy” the following: “I find myself in a difficult situation.  I really appreciate your friendship and thought that with my new situation that we could remain friends.  But with every day that we are friends, there also comes the situations of you expressing your thoughts for me.  I understand that you care about me.  I knew that the first time you mentioned it. I fully understand that you think that you and I should be together and that you are the best person for me.  But, I am dating someone and only want to see where my situation with him can lead.  I want to be married and start a family.  It would be an amazing thing.  I know that if I want to be in a successful relationship, I have to be able to dedicate myself fully to someone regardless of possible distractions.  So I ask that you ‘halt’ the conversations/actions about ‘us’.  I truly appreciate your friendship, but I can’t continue to be your friend on these terms.”

“Guy” emailed back “I understand and will respect your wishes. You deserve nothing but the best and I’m sure your goals will be achieved.” and that was that.  He stopped calling and although he has sent an occasional friendly text or email, he has given me my space.

“New guy” knew about the entire situation from the very first day it started.  He always said he knew he couldn’t offer me the things that “guy” had, but he never felt that “guy” was any type of competition because he understood the connection we had.  Since omitting the distraction, my relationship with “new guy” has grown.  It’s amazing how much more can happen in life when we eliminate distractions (no matter how large or small they are).  So often, we look for the person with the qualities that look good ‘on paper’.  In the process we skip over many gems that can offer special qualities from ‘within’.  Life is all about taking a chance. You never know the outcome, but usually learn a lot about yourself in the process.  I also learned that although I would love to control the timing of everything that happens in my life, sometimes I just need to let God do his thing and embrace all the blessings put in front of me.

M.Y. April 2010

Friendly Love?

Friendly love?

Mar10-4We met two years ago in September 2008 (I’ll call him ‘Guy’). He lives up north.  He liked me.  I liked him.  We got along great.  We took a trip together to a beach.  We survived a hurricane.  A week later he calls.  His ex is moving back to his area and they are going to try to work things out.  My response – Good luck buddy, don’t call me in a month when it doesn’t work out.

He calls. He calls again.  I have no interest in helping him have his cake and eat it to.  I say no phone calls, we can be friends by text or email.  His relationship ends (surprise, surprise).  Months go by.  Christmas arrives.  Tis the season so I say he can call and wish me a happy holiday.  We become friends.  February 2009, he invites me to a Celtics/Lakers game.  Good game.  Good time.  Nothing major chemistry wise.  April arrives.  He expresses an interest.  My response – Sorry buddy, I just got in a relationship.  You had your chance last year.

I stay in the relationship all year.  He and I stay friends.  Boyfriend and I break up end of last year.  He knows this but makes no moves.  I see him end of January 2010 when I go to Boston for a fitness camp.  We have a friendly dinner. No emotions expressed.  I meet a new guy.  Valentine’s Day this year comes around.  New guy and I have an amazing date. Excited to see where it can lead.  ‘Guy’ calls five times that day.  I call back after my date.  ‘Guy’ wants to visit here.  My response – ‘Sorry buddy, I just started dating someone’

‘Guy’ says that I need to give he and I am real chance and he regrets letting me go two years ago. I say ‘your loss’ and keep dating new guy.  ‘Guy’ send flowers to my work that say ‘Just Because’.  I tell guy that I only believe in dating one person at a time and want to see where my current situation could lead.  ‘Guy’ continues to express his emotions.  ‘Guy’ send flowers to me at my competition.  ‘Guy’ flies in to watch my competition. Guy tell me I am the person he is supposed to spend the rest of his life with.  I keep dating new guy.

New guy and I take a mini-food vacation to catch up on everything I missed eating.  ‘Guy’ knows I’m out of town with new guy.  I return to work (this is just last week).  Co-worker walks in and delivers two dozen red roses and an original love poem. The first letter of each poem even spells out my name.  Now I’m put in a very awkward position.
So here are my questions for you – 1. Is it acceptable for someone to make that strong of moves on you even when they know you are dating someone?  2. Should I give ‘Guy’ a chance since he finally came to his senses?  3. Should I stay with new guy since he appreciated me from the beginning?  4. Can I still be friends with this person once he has expressed such strong emotions?  5. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason and if ‘Guy’ and I were meant to be together then timing would have made it happen?  6. What do you say to ‘Guy’ and new guy?

Please email your thoughts, I’ll share what I did next week!

M.Y.  March 2010

Age No Limit

(For Facebook this week you’re supposed to post the pic of a celebrity people say you favor – mine is AJ Johnson from “House Party”, “Inkwell” and “Baby Boy”)
Age No Limit Part II

Feb10-1Research shows that January is the most popular month for divorce.  One of the main reasons is because the holidays are over and people want to start the year with a fresh start.  I have been both dumped and the dumper in the month of January, so although not divorce- I was/am part of the “new beginnings” club.  (I guess it saves some money in February since you don’t  have to splurge on Valentine’s Day gifts that either get eaten (candy) or die (flowers) within 72 hours.

A couple of weeks ago I talked about the dating scene in Louisville and how different it is to date in various age groups.   Being 33 years old, I can attract men in their 20s (it makes me feel like a cougar! LOL) and also men in their 40s (I make them feel like they still got it!).  But as you know- there’s always a story to tell!

Last year my neck was completely locked.  I could move every other body part except my neck.  It wouldn’t turn side to side and all I could do was look forward.  My physical therapist worked wonders, but I still needed a neck brace to help with the recovery.  So, I drove to the Gould’s Medical store in St. Matthews.  The people in there were buying motorized wheelchairs, butt cushions etc..  But in a corner was this sharp, attractive Black male.  As I looked at the brace section, I felt his shadow approach me.  He was in town because his mother was moved out of a nursing home and he was going to care for her at her house.  (Very commendable).

Long story, short – information was exchanged.  Phone calls were had.  A “date” was set up to meet for lunch.  We met at Cunningham’s downtown.  He was funny, but a little too flashy for me.  His phone rings and one of his ‘boys from high school’ is in the area and is going to swing through.  Sure, whatever.  The friend comes in and sits at our table, supposedly they are still the best of friends.  As the two of them are talking, I realize that this guy looks really familiar to me.  I just can’t put my finger on it.
Where do I know this man from?
Ah – and then it clicks.  I stop their conversation and say, “Aren’t you (name of one of my friends) father?”  His eyes grow a little wider.  It reminded me of the Snickers commercial “Awkward!”

Moral of that story – there’s nothing wrong with dating someone older than you, just make sure your friends won’t eventually be calling you mama or daddy!

M.Y.  February 2010

Singled Out Recap

“Singled Out Recap”

Jan10-4I co-sponsored the first Singles’ Networking Event last week and was nervous about the outcome.  So many parties are flooded with women with just a sprinkle of men.  We asked everyone to pre-pay in advance so that we could keep up with the ratio of men/women and make the check in process go faster.

The day of the event, my email went crazy with people registering.  We had to stop letting the females register and only allowed 10 more men to pay at the door.  We had a sold out crowd!

And then the middle school party began!  The men actually started arriving before the women and there were probably 4 men for every 1 woman for the first 30 minutes.  After it filled up some more I had to walk over to the men and tell them there wasn’t an imaginary line in the room – they were allowed to walk over to the other side and talk to the women.

Luckily that didn’t last too long!  The room filled up with an almost equal number of women and men. People were smiling and laughing.  Folks were eating and drinking. It was one of few places where you could walk around and talk to different people and nobody looked at you funny. Everyone yelled at the tv screen as UL lost their game. And then people started circling the letters/numbers of people they were interested in. I saw some folks batting eyes at each other and exchanging numbers.  At 10pm, we literally had to kick people out of the event.

It took me over five hours to review all of the matches and email everybody.  There were a good number of connections made so it will be interesting to see where it all leads.  Those that didn’t get into the event have already asked about the next one and those that did attend are equally excited.  It was one of those nights where even if you didn’t make a love connection, you came away with some new friendships in the area.

Stay posted – the next singles event might be just around the corner (February 11 to be exact!) 



M.Y. January 2010

Age No Limit

Age No Limit


I was reflecting recently on the dating scene in Louisville.  If you’re in the right place, at just the right time, and happen to be in just the right mood – you can meet some really wonderful people.  Although I do have certain preferences in the men I am attracted to, age has no barrier.

Older, younger, same age – they are all potential “Future Mr. Yeagers”.  However, I also realized that each age range can have its misfortunes.


Part I – The Younger Man

Our eyes first met at a party several years ago.  He was standing alone in a corner and I walked up and said hello.  He asked me to dance.  While on the floor, we asked each other’s age.  I said 29.  He said 23.  My eyes opened in shock.  Just a baby I thought to myself.  But he had a good personality and a great smile.  We talked a great deal that night, but he never asked for my phone number.

Several weeks went by and we ran into each other at an ice cream store.  We once again exchanged smiles and conversation, but once again he made no attempt to get in further contact.  I assumed he was either not interested or gay.

More time goes by and once again we are at the same party.  This time he is even more excited to see me.  We dance, we chat.  He asks me for a date.  I accept.  Dates turn into a relationship and life is good – except for one thing.  His mother didn’t like me at all. Without knowing me, she just didn’t care for me.

One day we realized we went to the same high school.  He pulled out his yearbook and it was entitled ‘Past, Present, Future’.  In HIS yearbook under the ‘Past’ header is a picture of MY senior class with me sitting in the front row.  I think I grew three gray hairs at that moment.

Anyway, the relationship eventually ended.  As soon as it did, he moved out of his apartment and back home.  The timing of the move was rather odd so I asked him about it.  His response – “When I first met you I knew that you wouldn’t date me if you knew I lived at home, so I moved out”.  I was speechless.  I now understood why his mother gave me a cold shoulder and also why it took him so long to ask me out.  But in a weird way, I felt honored.  A man that does something that drastic to try to win your heart is a man that will make a great husband to the right woman!

Moral of the story (as I click my heels together three times): “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home!”

M.Y. January 2010

Begin Again in 2010

Begin again in 2010!

First of all – Happy New Year to each and every one of you! 2009 was a overall good year for me.  I traveled, traveled and traveled some more by taking 15 trips.  I fell in love with someone that lives 1,000 miles away, made a name for myself in the fitness world, and experienced history with Obama.  Unfortunately I also lost my grandmother, realized I need a new career and woke up one morning with a paralyzed neck.

Last year I set three goals. 1) to get my fitness pro card, 2) to open my heart to falling in love and 3) to increase the OnyxLouisville presence.  I was very close (4 points) to getting my pro card. I spent a year in a relationship and to feel loved was amazing!  And, I met my goal for OnyxLouisville.

This year with 2010, I decided to do “10 for 10 in 2010″!  I have set ten goals this year.  Some are continuations from last year like getting my fitness pro card.  Others are extensions of last year.  Although my relationship started out great, toward the end of the year I wasn’t sure if it was “the one”.  So, I am starting out this year single again with a goal once again of developing a new successful relationship.  Then there are new goals like doing more public speaking for community service organizations and seeking another career.  I might not achieve all of my goals in 2010, but it’s a direction to work toward.

Why not join me in “10 for 10 in 2010″?!  Think about ways you want to improve yourself. Whether big or small, set some goals and try to achieve them.  Share your goals with others so they can offer you support and encouragement.  The sky should be the limit for all of us this year.  If you believe, you can achieve!

M.Y. January 2010